About 8 weeks
About 12-14 weeksUpdate to come tomorrow at 25 weeks!!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Right here
Watching the news of people in Haiti and listening to many people talk about how they have it on their hearts to go down and help has gotten me thinking a lot. I, too, just want to scoop some of those orphan children up in my arms and take them home with me- give them love and care and a sense of security robbed from them so early.
There is something so attractive about doing really tangible things to help people. We're attracted to service that helps us feel needed- clothes to the naked, food to the hungry. These are relatively easy places to feel like we are serving God directly.
This last week at work, a student had a medical emergency. He came home last night but was possibly going to need some extra care- I wanted to offer to take him in. How I longed to have that extra guest room I had always planned on just for a situation like this.
But we don't.
I find myself telling God I want to serve, but being very specific about who I want to serve and how I want to serve. I want to serve by taking in a scared, vulnerable, beautiful child, but not by picking up after my nephew (who is the most disobedient, difficult child I have ever met) when he comes to visit every week.
I want to serve by bringing food to people living in Tent City, but not by making food for my own family sometimes.
I want to give an occassional ride to school to a visiting professor, but not frequent rides to the grocery store to my mother- in - law.
And I ask myself: why? Why is it so easy to serve when there is no obligation, no expectation, and the people on the other end are so grateful and so much harder to serve when people don't notice, when it's expected of you anyway, when only God sees you....
Here I am. With no guest room because someone is living in it, with no baby room to prepare and get ready because it too is occupied. Our three bedroom home is full- nowhere for unanticipated visitors- sisters, friends, or exchange students... and I'm frustrated that my carpet is stained with dirt from work boots, that the TV is constantly on, that when I come home after a long day, my husband is in conversation with our house guests and isn't able to acknowledge me or talk, that the guest bathroom's toilet seat is always up and it's never as clean as I want... and then I remember...
I remember that I promised God if we were blessed with a home that I would share it. I promised God that if He blessed us- our blessings would become blessings for others. I remember that it's not really my carpet, my TV, or even my husband. They all belong to God- just as I do.
I remember that the stains represent hours of hard work, that the rooms are occupied by people that need them - that need somewhere to stay and that in ways, need us- my husband and I- too.
As Mother Teresa said, "it is easy to love those far away. It is not easy to love those close enough. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where love for each other must start."
And so as much as the need and the images and the thoughts of people in Haiti pull at me, as much as I wish sometimes to escape the complexities of relationships and work and life and live a life of service and simplicity, I realize that right now, I'm called to be right here. I'm called to appreciate and share my many blessings- to be patient with my nephew, with the people living with us- our family.
Lord, give me your grace. Give me the patience I need to choose love, even when it's easier to be upset or frustrated. Stretch me, mold me into the person you want me to be. May we never grow tired of helping others, may we find compassionate ways to ask for what we need from each other and from others in our lives and may we see you always, in the people we've never met, the people at work and the people in our own families. This we pray...
There is something so attractive about doing really tangible things to help people. We're attracted to service that helps us feel needed- clothes to the naked, food to the hungry. These are relatively easy places to feel like we are serving God directly.
This last week at work, a student had a medical emergency. He came home last night but was possibly going to need some extra care- I wanted to offer to take him in. How I longed to have that extra guest room I had always planned on just for a situation like this.
But we don't.
I find myself telling God I want to serve, but being very specific about who I want to serve and how I want to serve. I want to serve by taking in a scared, vulnerable, beautiful child, but not by picking up after my nephew (who is the most disobedient, difficult child I have ever met) when he comes to visit every week.
I want to serve by bringing food to people living in Tent City, but not by making food for my own family sometimes.
I want to give an occassional ride to school to a visiting professor, but not frequent rides to the grocery store to my mother- in - law.
And I ask myself: why? Why is it so easy to serve when there is no obligation, no expectation, and the people on the other end are so grateful and so much harder to serve when people don't notice, when it's expected of you anyway, when only God sees you....
Here I am. With no guest room because someone is living in it, with no baby room to prepare and get ready because it too is occupied. Our three bedroom home is full- nowhere for unanticipated visitors- sisters, friends, or exchange students... and I'm frustrated that my carpet is stained with dirt from work boots, that the TV is constantly on, that when I come home after a long day, my husband is in conversation with our house guests and isn't able to acknowledge me or talk, that the guest bathroom's toilet seat is always up and it's never as clean as I want... and then I remember...
I remember that I promised God if we were blessed with a home that I would share it. I promised God that if He blessed us- our blessings would become blessings for others. I remember that it's not really my carpet, my TV, or even my husband. They all belong to God- just as I do.
I remember that the stains represent hours of hard work, that the rooms are occupied by people that need them - that need somewhere to stay and that in ways, need us- my husband and I- too.
As Mother Teresa said, "it is easy to love those far away. It is not easy to love those close enough. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where love for each other must start."
And so as much as the need and the images and the thoughts of people in Haiti pull at me, as much as I wish sometimes to escape the complexities of relationships and work and life and live a life of service and simplicity, I realize that right now, I'm called to be right here. I'm called to appreciate and share my many blessings- to be patient with my nephew, with the people living with us- our family.
Lord, give me your grace. Give me the patience I need to choose love, even when it's easier to be upset or frustrated. Stretch me, mold me into the person you want me to be. May we never grow tired of helping others, may we find compassionate ways to ask for what we need from each other and from others in our lives and may we see you always, in the people we've never met, the people at work and the people in our own families. This we pray...
Cara de hamburguesa
For those that don't speak spanish, "cara de hamburguesa" translates roughly as "hamburger face" and is Juan Carlos's newest term of endearment for me. (Apparently, my face is chubbier than before)
Other really supportive messages from him include:
Text message in English: "I love you my little fat" (note: I'm not sure if it means I'm a little fat- "gordita" or I'm little and fat- either way...)
When I was getting ready for Christmas and New Year's, I couldn't seem to like anything I tried on- Juan Carlos was exasperated with me and said, "Janelle, vas a parecer pelota con piernas en lo que llevas, asi ya escogas algo y nos vamos."
Translation: You're going to look like a ball with legs whatever you wear, so just choose something and let's go.
I was telling Juan Carlos about how some men think women are the most sexy when they're pregnant. He said, "Eso es una mentira- nadie piensa eso de verdad- solo lo dicen- quien va a pensar que una pelota es "sexy"? No, las mujeres embarazadas tienen algo hermoso pero "sexy" no son."
Translation: That is a lie. No one really thinks that- they just say it. Who is going to think that a ball is "sexy"? No, pregnant women have something beautiful about them but they are not "sexy"
Thank you for your honesty?
Other nicknames: Mi panzona (my big tummy), mi sandia (my watermelon), mi gorda (my fat one), mi changa (mi monkey- this is because of my obsession with bananas, not related to pregnancy)
I used to be an extremely sensitive person, but being married to Juan Carlos has toughened me up a bit.
I know it is not really fair to post this and still not have ANY belly pics up yet, so my promise to myself is to get my act together and get pictures up this weekend! Stay tuned!
Other really supportive messages from him include:
Text message in English: "I love you my little fat" (note: I'm not sure if it means I'm a little fat- "gordita" or I'm little and fat- either way...)
When I was getting ready for Christmas and New Year's, I couldn't seem to like anything I tried on- Juan Carlos was exasperated with me and said, "Janelle, vas a parecer pelota con piernas en lo que llevas, asi ya escogas algo y nos vamos."
Translation: You're going to look like a ball with legs whatever you wear, so just choose something and let's go.
I was telling Juan Carlos about how some men think women are the most sexy when they're pregnant. He said, "Eso es una mentira- nadie piensa eso de verdad- solo lo dicen- quien va a pensar que una pelota es "sexy"? No, las mujeres embarazadas tienen algo hermoso pero "sexy" no son."
Translation: That is a lie. No one really thinks that- they just say it. Who is going to think that a ball is "sexy"? No, pregnant women have something beautiful about them but they are not "sexy"
Thank you for your honesty?
Other nicknames: Mi panzona (my big tummy), mi sandia (my watermelon), mi gorda (my fat one), mi changa (mi monkey- this is because of my obsession with bananas, not related to pregnancy)
I used to be an extremely sensitive person, but being married to Juan Carlos has toughened me up a bit.
I know it is not really fair to post this and still not have ANY belly pics up yet, so my promise to myself is to get my act together and get pictures up this weekend! Stay tuned!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Giving thanks again!
On Sunday, I had a weird thing happen where I got a sudden pain through my whole back but it seemed to radiate from my mid-back- it was really difficult to tolerate and in spite of massages and trying to sit down and relax, I couldn't seem to get it to go away. I also got chills and felt feverish and started throwing up and it was pretty scary, just because we didn't really know what was going on. Thankfully the pain never moved toward my uterus or abdomen or I really would have freaked out, I think.
I did my best to relax and finally, with the help of a heating pad and Juan Carlos holding my hand, I was able to fall asleep. I slept for a half hour or hour and when I woke up, I felt like new. WEIRD!
I decided to call and tell the doctors about it just in case it meant more to them than it did to me and they wanted me to come in today. I once again feel like the luckiest woman on earth after hearing the baby's heartbeat and hearing that everything seems fine. Juan Carlos on the other hand got so worked up and worried that now he's having a hard time letting that go. He told me this morning before he left for work that he already loves our baby so much. I'm just in awe about watching a man I love so much love our child so much- what an incredible gift. I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you, Lord- a thousand times, thank you!
I did my best to relax and finally, with the help of a heating pad and Juan Carlos holding my hand, I was able to fall asleep. I slept for a half hour or hour and when I woke up, I felt like new. WEIRD!
I decided to call and tell the doctors about it just in case it meant more to them than it did to me and they wanted me to come in today. I once again feel like the luckiest woman on earth after hearing the baby's heartbeat and hearing that everything seems fine. Juan Carlos on the other hand got so worked up and worried that now he's having a hard time letting that go. He told me this morning before he left for work that he already loves our baby so much. I'm just in awe about watching a man I love so much love our child so much- what an incredible gift. I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you, Lord- a thousand times, thank you!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Incredible Post
I just thought this was an incredible post and wanted to share. What an amazingly talented writer!
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2008/05/dwelling-places.html
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2008/05/dwelling-places.html
Serenity prayer
I have had an incredibly hard time at work recently. Since my horrible evaluation, it's been hard for me to let that go and get my spirits up again, though I am so grateful for the support from my family, co-workers, and wonderful husband. I've gotten a lot of good advice and am doing my best to improve the situation, as unfair and frustrating as it is.
Upon coming back from vacation, though, I was welcomed with more bad news. My supervisor is trying to take away our current office space (I currently have a full, normal-sized private office) and cram all of the staff and her plus at least 3 extra people into a space half the size and give us all cubicles.
Now, there are not all that many advantages to working here- the benefits are not great since they do not cover dental insurance or healthcare for family members at all, the retirement contributions have been revoked as of earlier this year, vacation will be "use it or lose it" by June and can no longer carry over year to year, there have not been raises in I don't even know how long- even the Cost of Living raise (1%) was cut this year, all of the salaries are much lower than other institutions, especially for staff, and I have to say that my office was one "benefit" I really appreciated. Not only do I need a large private space to meet with students confidentially, give exams, etc. but it also just makes me feel like maybe in the eyes of the institution I really am a program manager, deserving of my own private office.
Alas, no more. Maybe I need to be humbled again and this is about acceptance, but between that and the evaluation and everything else here lately, I feel very disrespected and not valued and it makes coming to work every day particularly difficult.
I only hope and pray that someday I can see what all this is for. Now, being pregnant again after feeling like we had to wait so long, the wait seems like nothing when compared with our joy and it seems perfect in God's timing and plan. I hope that I can feel that way about my career too at some point, that it will all come together somehow- the struggles, the humility, the places to push for change and the places to leave things alone.
May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Upon coming back from vacation, though, I was welcomed with more bad news. My supervisor is trying to take away our current office space (I currently have a full, normal-sized private office) and cram all of the staff and her plus at least 3 extra people into a space half the size and give us all cubicles.
Now, there are not all that many advantages to working here- the benefits are not great since they do not cover dental insurance or healthcare for family members at all, the retirement contributions have been revoked as of earlier this year, vacation will be "use it or lose it" by June and can no longer carry over year to year, there have not been raises in I don't even know how long- even the Cost of Living raise (1%) was cut this year, all of the salaries are much lower than other institutions, especially for staff, and I have to say that my office was one "benefit" I really appreciated. Not only do I need a large private space to meet with students confidentially, give exams, etc. but it also just makes me feel like maybe in the eyes of the institution I really am a program manager, deserving of my own private office.
Alas, no more. Maybe I need to be humbled again and this is about acceptance, but between that and the evaluation and everything else here lately, I feel very disrespected and not valued and it makes coming to work every day particularly difficult.
I only hope and pray that someday I can see what all this is for. Now, being pregnant again after feeling like we had to wait so long, the wait seems like nothing when compared with our joy and it seems perfect in God's timing and plan. I hope that I can feel that way about my career too at some point, that it will all come together somehow- the struggles, the humility, the places to push for change and the places to leave things alone.
May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Christmas and New Years
I wish I was better about taking pictures, but alas, I still have none from Christmas or New Year's to share, but I'll give an update on what we did anyway.
Christmas Eve
We have generally had the tradition of spending Christmas Eve with Juan Carlos's family (primarily so they have Christmas Day off to recover, I think) and the kids open presents at midnight. But my family has also always gotten together on Christmas Eve and this year, I really missed being with them. We went up to Carlos's brother's house pretty late (around 7:00pm), ate even later (around 9:00 or 10:00) and by about that time, I was exhausted. All the guys were in the garage playing pool and since Juan Carlos wasn't ready to go yet and I was about to fall asleep in the living room, I ended up going upstairs and sleeping from 11-2:00ish. Then, I drove everyone home.
Christmas Day
Juan Carlos and I got up to go to mass with my parents at 10:30ish and Juan Carlos was in great spirits in spite of the fact he couldn't understand much, so it was really positive and special for me. Then we went back to my parents' house for brunch and to sit around the Christmas tree to open presents with my parents and my sisters who came down from Seattle and Bellingham. We laughed a lot and were so grateful for one another's generosity...
Then, Juan Carlos went to eat leftovers and spend some time with his family while I stayed with mine. We went to a movie and came back to have an amazing dinner. After dessert with some family friends, I headed home.
Our Vacation
Juan Carlos and I were incredibly blessed with having the same week off this year between Christmas and New Years!! It was amazing- we slept in every day, had breakfast together, relaxed, did random errands, and grew a lot closer again. What an incredible blessing time is sometimes!! It was hard to come back to work but I definitely felt like I got a good break.
New Year's
We invited a "small" group of 10 over to our house for New Year's this year. The garage is full of "la zanahoria" Juan Carlos's orange truck and baby stuff we picked up from my aunt, so there was no place for a kazillion guys to come over and drink (what a shame!) so we just had some people over for ceviche, ribs, twice baked potatoes, garlic bread and salad. Juan Carlos was impressed I pulled that off. It was actually really fun, very relaxed and really nice to be together- we all sat around, talked together and laughed a lot- it felt like good quality time.
Christmas in OR
The day after New Year's I headed down with Michelle and my parents to see our family in Oregon and that was great. It seemed like we really got to connect and spend quality time together.
It's always strange to me how much anticipation there is around the holidays and how quickly they seem to come and go, but I am so thankful that we live close to so much family during this special time of year. I know it must be hard for Juan Carlos when I have 3 different "families" to visit and he misses so many of his family members in Mexico, but we are lucky his mother and brothers are up here at least. We are so blessed in so many ways and I just pray that I can continue to count our blessings and not get bogged down with the small day to day trials...
I hope you and your family had a very merry, blessed Christmas and that this new year of 2010 brings hope and many more blessings to all of you!
Christmas Eve
We have generally had the tradition of spending Christmas Eve with Juan Carlos's family (primarily so they have Christmas Day off to recover, I think) and the kids open presents at midnight. But my family has also always gotten together on Christmas Eve and this year, I really missed being with them. We went up to Carlos's brother's house pretty late (around 7:00pm), ate even later (around 9:00 or 10:00) and by about that time, I was exhausted. All the guys were in the garage playing pool and since Juan Carlos wasn't ready to go yet and I was about to fall asleep in the living room, I ended up going upstairs and sleeping from 11-2:00ish. Then, I drove everyone home.
Christmas Day
Juan Carlos and I got up to go to mass with my parents at 10:30ish and Juan Carlos was in great spirits in spite of the fact he couldn't understand much, so it was really positive and special for me. Then we went back to my parents' house for brunch and to sit around the Christmas tree to open presents with my parents and my sisters who came down from Seattle and Bellingham. We laughed a lot and were so grateful for one another's generosity...
Then, Juan Carlos went to eat leftovers and spend some time with his family while I stayed with mine. We went to a movie and came back to have an amazing dinner. After dessert with some family friends, I headed home.
Our Vacation
Juan Carlos and I were incredibly blessed with having the same week off this year between Christmas and New Years!! It was amazing- we slept in every day, had breakfast together, relaxed, did random errands, and grew a lot closer again. What an incredible blessing time is sometimes!! It was hard to come back to work but I definitely felt like I got a good break.
New Year's
We invited a "small" group of 10 over to our house for New Year's this year. The garage is full of "la zanahoria" Juan Carlos's orange truck and baby stuff we picked up from my aunt, so there was no place for a kazillion guys to come over and drink (what a shame!) so we just had some people over for ceviche, ribs, twice baked potatoes, garlic bread and salad. Juan Carlos was impressed I pulled that off. It was actually really fun, very relaxed and really nice to be together- we all sat around, talked together and laughed a lot- it felt like good quality time.
Christmas in OR
The day after New Year's I headed down with Michelle and my parents to see our family in Oregon and that was great. It seemed like we really got to connect and spend quality time together.
It's always strange to me how much anticipation there is around the holidays and how quickly they seem to come and go, but I am so thankful that we live close to so much family during this special time of year. I know it must be hard for Juan Carlos when I have 3 different "families" to visit and he misses so many of his family members in Mexico, but we are lucky his mother and brothers are up here at least. We are so blessed in so many ways and I just pray that I can continue to count our blessings and not get bogged down with the small day to day trials...
I hope you and your family had a very merry, blessed Christmas and that this new year of 2010 brings hope and many more blessings to all of you!
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