Five Months

Danali-

You turned 5 months old on Monday, but your mommy has been so busy, she hasn't had time to write until now. You are a beautiful baby! You still don't have much any hair, but your great grandma insists you are "all girl" You are a lot more fun now. You rarely cry unless you're hungry or tired. You spend half the week with one grandma and half the week with the other. You are so loved!

You were baptized last Sunday. Your Godfather, Ramon, came up from San Diego to be a part of it and your aunt Shelly came down from Seattle to be your Godmother. It was a fun day and you behaved so well! You fell asleep just before they were going to baptize you. When they poured water on you, you cried as if to complain they woke you up and then you fell right back to sleep.

Everyone gets surprised about how big you are. You are easily over 20 pounds and wearing clothes for 9 month-olds already. You love music and you really love going outside. Sometimes if you do get into one of your crying fits, just going outside calms you down. You do really well being passed from person to person and it makes everyone want to hold you that much more. You seem to love games and attention and if you're ever left alone too long, you definitely let us know.

Your grammy took you to get your 4 month shots recently (we got a little behind) and she said you smiled at the nurses just before, cried when they gave you the shots and then smiled at them again before leaving. Your great grandma insists you are the smiliest baby she's ever known and very smart.

Your papi gets frustrated with you sometimes because you'll get fussy with him and then I'll take you and you'll calm down. He asks "what is the difference being with me or being with your mom?" He just doesn't know, does he, but we do...

I love you so much- more and more every day. In some ways I can't believe you're only 5 months old because I can't really remember or imagine our lives without you as a part of everything we do and think about.

I can't wait to see how you continue to grow and how your personality develops!

All my love,
your mama

Being Called

There is nothing like feeling really called to be where you're at in life. I still remember when I was selected to be peer minister of social justice my last year in college at Western and how I felt so called to it. I knew it's what God wanted of me- I felt God's presence in my life and my work- I was in a good place.

I have been wondering lately what God is calling me to or what He is ultimately preparing me for. I seem to have this idea that all my experiences are leading up to some "perfect career" or "final plan" and I've been wondering how it's all going to come together- my degree in Spanish, my masters in International Education, my experience at Saint Martin's, my bilingual/bicultural home life, my desire to be there for my family, my passion for social justice- how is it all going to come together? What is the "perfect" most satisfying place for me?

And recently I've been thinking maybe life isn't a perfect math equation where 2 +3 +4 +1 = 10. Maybe it's not about the "Sum" but rather about being called to being where we are in any given moment.

Me teaching right now doesn't necessarily mean this is where God will want me for the next decade or even the next several years, but it is where He wants me/can use me right now. I need to let God work through me in teaching these particular classes, with these particular students, this particular quarter. I need to let God work through me in my family, with my friends, with all those that are in my life right now, whatever I happen to be doing today.

Regardless of where the future takes me, God has called me to the present. Maybe I need to let go of what the "ultimate" vision for my life is and just try to focus on how God can use me today and let the rest unfold...

Pat on the back

The days lately have been flying by. I didn't understand how a baby could make a person so much busier, but it's all becoming clear now. I still don't have any real defined routine, but here's a general schedule of how things used to go and how they go now:

old Schedule
7:00am- Wake up, maybe sleep in a few more minutes
7:15- Shower, get ready, eat breakfast
7:55- Leave for work (5 minutes away)
12:00pm- Lunch
5:00pm- Leave work
6:00-8:30- Teach class (2 days a week)/ Go grocery shopping/ Make and clean up dinner
9:00pm- home to relax...
10:00pm- Bed


5:30am- Wake up
Shower
Pump
Nurse if the baby wakes up
Eat breakfast while entertaining baby if she wakes up
Change diaper because baby would have surely blown it out if she has waken up
Wash and pack up the pump
Pack the diaper bag with enough diapers, wipes, bottles, don't forget the top to the bottle, hopefully I remembered to put the ice pack back in the freezer so its cold, remember the BabyRub and blue suction thing if baby is sick and throw in a couple toys
6:45- Get out of the house (only this early on a good day)
7:00- Drop baby off at one of the grandma's houses
7:20- Arrive at school
Grade papers, make copies, get ready for class
8:00am-10:00am- Teach
10:30- Visit Dani at grandma's house, eat lunch, pump or nurse
11:45- Leave for next class
12:00- Prepare, make copies, etc.
12:30- 2:30- Teach
2:30 - Check and answer emails
3:00- Pick up Dani
Grocery shopping, errands, take Amalia to the gym, phone calls, planning, grading, make dinner, nurse, pump, put on a load of laundry
5:30- Have dinner
Nuse, continue grading/planning while trying to entertain, feed, change, and bathe Danali for the rest of the night until we head to the bedroom around 9:00
9:00-10:00- sing songs, nurse, play until Dani and husband fall asleep
10:00-11:00- Try to grade those papers I never got to and fall asleep
2:00am- Feeding
4:00am- Feeding
5:30am- Start all over again...

Crazy and busy and yet oh so fulfilling... By about 11:00pm each night, I secretly give myself a pat on the back just for getting through another day- It may not seem like much but to me, it's always quite an accomplishment.

Are we happier?

After class today I ended up talking with a guy from Colombia for awhile. He told me about how he was a national leader in his country, owned his own business, and lived on an island that was protected by the nation. He told me about how he met his life in a crazy turn of events, how he spent two years in the military, fighting the FARC, the revolutionary group in Colombia trying to overthrow the government in favor of socialist rule. We talked about drug trafficking and kidnappings and he said something interesting. He said Colombia has different sides. One side is very dangerous and ugly, but the people, the people are so happy. They don't have much. They live day to day but they are so grateful and so happy. He said that here we have everything- more technologies than we could ever need, help from the government, many opportunities but the people are sad. They always want more....

And I have to say it is so tempting. I still remember the first "mission trip" I took to Mexico and how that week without showers or clean clothes, sleeping on the torn up floor of an old church, I was so happy. I didn't care what I looked like, had no one to impress. My only worry was being in right relationship with the people around me and with God. And I don't wonder anymore why Jesus teaches us so many times to "get rid of your things"- throw away your riches and follow me. Or what that story means when it talks about how it's harder to get to heaven when you're rich than it is for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle...

Oh Lord, help me simplify my life. Help me get rid of the junk - all of the things I don't use and don't need. Help me to work harder sometimes- to wash dishes by hand every once in awhile so I don't lose appreciation for the technologies around me. Help me to slow down and accept a pace that isn't "productive" for a change. Sometimes it isn't about gaining more and more- it's about recognizing the value of what you already have... with health, food, shelter, support and love in our lives, Lord, I don't know how we could ask for anything else...