Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"Warm Fuzzies"

Just for a quick explanation of the title of this blog "warm fuzzies" comes from one of my favorite childhood stories and the term "warm fuzzy" refers to nice things that people do for you or say to you just because...

In the last couple days, I've gotten a couple of these and just soaked them in. I met a wonderful woman through work yesterday who will be of incredible help in recruiting students from Latin America. We had a great, fruitful discussion and she was very supportive of my work, complimented me on my efforts and also mentioned how she thought it was so wonderful to have the mix of cultures and languages in my family. Then, she wrote me an email today saying, "Saint Martin's is lucky to have you." I was thrilled that a woman I admired so much (even just through our brief meeting) would see such potential in me.

Then, today, I met with our new Vice President of Academic Affairs and really enjoyed it. He asked really wonderful, relevant questions and clearly had a deep respect for the work we do in the ESL program by his comments. He told me I struck him as someone that would be interested in going on to get a doctorate degree and asked if I had considered it. We went on to talk about different programs and opportunities and he told me he would be happy to talk to me in the future about different paths. Again, I was honored.

In school, I feel like my potential and hard work was recognized more often, but it's been a really long time since people have noted my passion or asked me about what my dreams were in the work environment. It was so refreshing to be seen as doing meaningful work to someone from the outside and to be recognized as a young professional with so much to give and with a strong career ahead...

These people's comments really brightened my day. Amazing what such small interactions can do...

Friday, May 22, 2009

A New House!!


We can't believe it!! We finally own our own home. After nearly a year of house hunting, we were starting to lose hope, but it happened- just in time for all those summer barbeques out on our back deck! We signed off on all the paperwork yesterday and made our downpayment. Now, we just have to wait for it to close on May 26th! We're so excited! Here are some pictures of it now, though it'll probably look a bit different with all our stuff moved in. We're planning to move May 30th and 31st, at the end of the month! Yay!

















Friday, May 15, 2009

TGIF May 15th

This week has been challenging- I got some potentially very disturbing news from the doctor by email and they "worked me in" to be seen in 3 weeks so the doctor could talk to me about it. It's one of those "could be nothing, could be something incredibly serious" situations that I seem to be encountering all too often lately...

My mom, my aunts, my grandmother and I prayed a Novena at the beginning of May, from May 1st- May 9th to "Good Saint Anne" the mother of Mary. She is the patron saint of mothers and mothers-to-be and women who hope to be mothers someday. Her story really touched me. http://www.saintanne.webhero.com/

We said the following novena: http://www.prayerbook.com/Novenas/annenove.htm

I am questioning God's intercession a lot lately and how and why God actually intercedes in our lives the way He does, or sometimes, the bigger question, the way He doesn't. But praying the novena was powerful for me and helped me to feel that I was doing something in a situation where there is so little I can really do. It was also so meaningful to know these women around me were taking time to pray for my intention (as well as their own) every day. It helped me to feel very loved and cared about.

I have also gotten more specific in asking God for what I want, because I've heard and read that sometimes the more specific you are, the more clearly you can see your prayers being answered...

With that being said, some things I'm thankful for this week are:

1) That the appraisal came back positive, we got a great deal on homeowner's insurance, and we are closer and closer to being homeowners as we near the end of the month!

2) That I've been getting really good rest lately.

3) That Juan Carlos and I have been able to be healthy and active lately. He's playing soccer on Tuesday nights with some friends now regularly (as if working in construction all day wasn't exercise enough) and I got back to the gym a couple days this week, which feels really good!

4) That I get to teach a Freshman Seminar class in the fall that I'm really excited about and that I am helping to plan the annual Latino Youth Summit for Fall 2009 and I'm meeting a lot of great people through that.

5) That I have my own journey- with my own mountains and valleys and my own story to tell. Sometimes it seems I spend more time watching everyone else's life than thinking about my own, but when I take the time to look at my own life and all the different pieces and experiences that have been a part of my path, I find there is a lot of hurt and disappointment, but there is also a lot of laughter, a lot of beauty and a lot of love.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

First Mother's Day

I received this email a couple days ago and it meant so much to me, I wanted to share it:

Janelle my friend - I read your blog today and just wanted to wish you a happy mothers day. You are a mother, and will be one forever. Your baby girl is in heaven, and your motherhood will last and live on forever. Nothing and no one can take that away from you ..... You were pregnant, gave birth to Angelica, you are a mother, and your motherhood and love for your child are everything that a mother with a child to hold in her arms has - nothing will diminish that.
May God bless and comfort you on your 1st Mother's Day.

The friend who wrote this has allowed God to work through her in so many ways to comfort me in grieving for Angelica. I hope that any mothers in the same situation can find comfort in her words. After reading this on Mother's Day, I felt a sense of peace I had not felt in a long time.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Past mothers' days have generally been filled with thoughts of how to show my own mother my appreciation for her love and care for us. And although this one has some of that too, it is also a day filled with longing because it represents everything I want so badly to be.... and forces me to face my worst fear- that I may never be a mother.

People who stumble upon motherhood easily speak of how important the day is because of how mothers so often go unappreciated by their families or by society and yet their role is so important.

Those who long to be mothers desperately dream of having dirty diapers to change, tiny stained clothes to wash and all the other thankless duties that come with day to day life as a mother. I hope and pray that if I am blessed to be a mother someday to a child that I get to see learn to walk and play that I never lose my incredible appreciation for the blessing it is to be mother. I don't have any desire for a special day to be recognized- all I want right now are the other 364 days of the year living day to day life sacrificing and caring for my kids.

So, a special prayer for all mothers today, but especially for those who face challenges to motherhood- who long for both the sacrifice and the joy that motherhood brings, who pray and wait and long for children to love and care for- for the young girls who dream of being mothers someday, for women who wonder if their time for childbearing is growing short, for women who want to adopt and have challenges, for women who parent temporarily, for women who face losing their children for one reason or another...

Motherhood is certainly difficult at times, but so is wanting children more than anything and not being able to have them. May God, in His mercy, bless all those who long for children with children to love and care for and may all mothers recognize how blessed they are to simply be mothers and never take their children or their vocation for granted.

Friday, May 1, 2009

St. Gianna (from Making Things Visible)

Another post that really touched me and gave me new perspective... What a truly insightful woman!

April 28, 2009
Lessons learned from St. Gianna (Molla)
April 28th Feast Day of St. Gianna Molla
Our Gianna’s first hospitalization, even though it was her healthiest, was by far the hardest for me. During later ones we would have the slim hope of transplant to focus on, but during this one, as they tested the heck out of our little girl, we were coming to grips with the truth. Inside what looked like a normal baby was a liver full of cells that couldn’t make enough energy to keep her alive. Our baby was going to die. Again.
St. Gianna Molla kept me company during those few days, as I had just received a biography of her for Mother’s Day, a week or two before. There were two things that stood out to me in this particular account of her life.

The first was of the very real pain her martyrdom caused her family. It is easy to gloss over this in saints from eras long past, or for priests or religious even. But here was Pietro Molla, Gianna’s beloved husband, sharing about how hard it was for him to raise their four children alone. How hard he tried to protect his kids from the limelight surrounding Gianna’s growing popularity and her cause for canonization. How awkward it was for him to allow his personal love letters to be published all over the world. It was hard for him to share his Gianna with the Church, when he would much rather her have just been his unspectacular, non-miracle-working, grocery-shopping, diaper- changing wife! Yet, he knew she was not his to keep to himself, and so he allowed the process to continue. In 2004, He and their three surviving children (their daughter Mariolina died a few years after Gianna did) were at her canonization ceremony. Wow.
Our Gianna is also a saint, and I can share some of Pietro’s sentiments: saint-making is tough! Especially at that moment in time, I did not want to share my Gianna with the Church. I did not want her to intercede for people or inspire them. I just wanted her to keep making diapers, and spitting up and wearing cute baby clothes, just like any other normal baby who lives to see their first birthday. I love St. Gianna Molla, and I am grateful for what she did and who she now is. But dang, she reminds me how real saints are, and that even when God is doing great and wonderful things, it still sometimes hurts!!

The second thing that struck me from that read of Gianna’s life was her unfailing trust in Providence. Can you imagine having to decide between giving your baby life and giving her a mother? St. Gianna didn’t want to die. She loved life, and especially her family. But she trusted God: that He was good as He claimed to be, and that He would take care of her family in her absence. Pietro talks in that book about the times that were darkest for him and the kids and how he could feel Gianna’s tangible presence. God did come through… through Gianna.

And this is where we are left today. Especially as we navigate the waters of a job search, and ponder the future of our family, we need to hold fast to what St. Gianna taught us: to trust in God’s Providence. How grateful I am today for both of my St. Gianna’s!
St. Gianna Molla, pray for us!St. Gianna Marie, pray for us!

What Things? (from Making Things Visible)

This is from the blog "Making Things Visible" but it really touched me, so I wanted to share it...

April 19, 2009
“What things?”
If the miracles, the fulfillment of all the OT prophesies and His explicit claims were not enough to confirm Jesus’ divinity, perhaps his talent for the well placed question would do it. As he walks along with the disciples on the road to Emmaus, (Luke 24) he asks what they were talking about. They look at him incredulously, and in great sorrow. Has this guy been under a rock or what? Cleopas answers him, “Are you the only visitor to Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?” Here comes the great question from Jesus: “What things?” The answer is an invitation from the Lord for them to empty their hearts to him, and they do. They are sad because they thought Jesus would be the one to save them from the Romans. But instead he was crucified, and to add insult to injury, someone stole the body! I’m not trying to trivialize the disciples’ disbelief. We know the rest of the story, but they didn’t. They didn’t yet have the Holy Spirit, and all they knew was they watched the One who raised the dead and feed the 5,000 be put to a brutal death. Could we blame them for being a little bummed out?

Call me Cleopas. How many times has it been me walking along the road with my head hung low, complaining about all the ways that God did not fulfill the plans I had in mind for him? As I’ve shared in previous posts, I had the whole thing worked out as to exactly how he was going to glorify himself, amaze the world and get my family back on track through Gianna’s long and healthy life. And just like the plan the Father had for his Son, it turned out ugly. But of course Jesus didn’t leave his disciples in their disappointment, and he hasn’t left me. He takes the time to open their eyes to the prophesies about himself (don’t you wish Luke had let us in on that conversation??) and then reveals himself to them in the breaking of the bread.

Okay, here’s my point: in our sorrow we can sometimes miss the Lord. I think of Mary Magdalene as another example. She wept for the Lord, while he stood at her feet. What a picture that brings to mind! How did he snap them out of grief enough to deliver the unbelievably joyous news that their tears were for naught? Through the Scriptures, through the Eucharist, through the listening of prayer. How many times do we not break long enough from our tears to look out for him? How many of us are sitting right next to the Savior, imprisoned by our own fear and grief?

And yet, when we do recognize him things are not as they were. It’s not like Jesus catches up to Cleopas and says, “Hey, wait! Remember that crucifixion thing? Smoke and mirrors. Boy, are you guys gullible.” No, the crucifixion was very, very real, and nothing can turn it into the plan the disciples were expecting. But in his resurrection, Jesus reveals that the suffering he underwent was much better than their plan for him to conquer Rome. From where we sit in history, don’t we have to agree? Wouldn’t it be kind of small potatoes for God to enter time in order to liberate a small religious group from yet another oppressive government? Not that God doesn’t care about the smallest trials in our lives, but come on: instead he solved the problem of evil and conquered death forever, for all generations past, present and future.

From an eternal perspective, we can let our grief make us “think small”. It would have been a huge joy for our family to have had a healthy baby, or even a medical miracle. These things are big in our life, and would have been easy for God to do. But if those things had happened, Gianna still would have died again at some time. Though I probably won’t know on this side of the veil exactly what plans God is actually fulfilling in and through my kids, I can rest assured they are bigger than my dreams for them. And really, the biggest miracle has been won for them: they enjoy the Beatific Vision.

So, though we don’t “give stuff up” for Easter, let’s stay faithful to our Lenten disciplines of prayer and Eucharist that we can have our eyes opened to the big plans of God for us.

TGIF May 1st

Well, as some of you know, Juan Carlos and I have been trying to buy a house for almost a year now. My parents were going to help us out at first, but then couldn't after the stock crashed, but we were still going to be able to get loan- we just had to buy a less expensive house. My aunt, a real estate agent, probably took us out looking no less than a hundred times- I have totally lost count of the number of houses we've seen, but I can pretty much assure you we've seen the entire city of Lacey...

In December, we made an offer on a house we really liked. We'll call it "the pink house" since it has salmon colored trim. It was a short sale. The agent, though, was doing something sketchy and kept countering with really random things and avoided giving the offer to the bank, so we gave up on that. We made an offer on another beautiful house (aside from every wall inside being painted blue) but we were beat out by a cash offer. Then we went back to the "pink house" because we had reason to believe the agent was going to behave himself. He did get the offer into the bank, but that was in January and we have yet to hear back about whether or not they would approve it. Needless to say, we have been getting tired of the wait, and I'd really love to not have to ask our landlord to stay here for yet another month, so we went out looking again on Saturday and Wednesday.

And Wednesday, we found a beautiful house that we love. Yesterday, we made an offer. We hear back tonight about whether they accepted it or not.

Here's my TGIF list for this week.

1) For hope- I'm thankful that the sun breaks through sometimes- even if it doesn't stay around permanently, I'm glad it makes an appearance- I'm thankful to have hope again about being able to get a house.

2) For opportunities from my parents- My parents have made countless opportunities possible for me throughout my life, for which I am incredibly indebted and grateful. Yesterday, my mom and dad told me they could help with a downpayment (as an investment for them too), which will allow us to save an incredible amount of money in purchasing this house (if we get it) and make it much more likely that they'll take our offer since we're competing with at least one other offer and financing is a big factor.

3) I'm thankful for sunny days. Sometimes I wonder if I should live somewhere sunnier, but I think part of what makes me appreciate the sun is that it isn't sunny every day. It's a reason to smile in and of itself.

4) I'm thankful for advances in medicine and technology, because although doctors certainly don't have all the answers, they sure have more now than they did for my grandparents or my grandparents' grandparents.

5) I'm thankful to live in a city that is beautiful, with parks and water and mountains, a city in which "rush hour traffic" is only the 109 Martin/College street exit being backed up from 5:00-5:30pm on weekdays.

6) I'm thankful to live close to my parents and to Juan Carlos's family and to get to see our families so frequently.

7) I'm thankful to have the opportunity to teach a freshman seminar class and an ESL listening/speaking through drama in the fall. These are both new, interesting classes that I'm looking forward to developing and being creative with.