We are still waiting for signs of labor and for our little girl to join us outside the womb, but how precious this time has been for me. I feel a little guilty that I took the week off work and didn't "need" to, but at the same time, I feel so much better about our home- our freezer is stocked, the house is much more organized before, I'm getting rid of lots of things we don't need, etc. I've been able to help out my mother in law with some things, go on some walks with my mom and just rest too.
It's been an emotional week, but such a blessing. And in this time of waiting, I've thought a lot about what waiting does for us.
I will never forget a lesson my parents taught me when I was a little girl. I wanted an American girl doll SO much, but my parents said I had to save for it and wait a year (or maybe it just seemed that long ; ) before I could get it. I remember thinking why couldn't they just get it for me? Why make me save? Why make me wait? But I did and oh, how I treasured that doll. I imagine that if it had been easy, I might have loved the doll for a short time and then discarded her. Sometimes it is the things we have to work for and the things we have to wait for that mean the most to us.
The Church year is also made up of several seasons of waiting- waiting for Christ to be born, preparing for Christ's death and resurrection, and waiting for Christ to come again... there must be a value in "waiting" that helps us to value special days or events so much more.
I have felt that lesson a hundred fold with our small daughter. How we waited after losing Angelica to get pregnant again. One short year- such a small time in comparison to everything, in comparison to what many couples must wait, but such a long time to desperately beg God to please just give us another child. And now, we've waited 9 months- 9 wonderful months... I really can't complain. This pregnancy has been relatively easy and very enjoyable. In ways it has gone by very quickly. And now, we wait again. But the beautiful part about this waiting is that we know it's just a matter of time.
As some have told me, "remember, nobody is pregnant forever" Somehow, some way, we will get to know this precious little one inside at some point, so it makes the journey that much easier. Of course, I am anxious. I look at her small bassinet and imagine lying her in it, watching her sleep. I imagine Juan Carlos playing with her, holding her. I imagine diaper messes, sore nipples from nursing, and spit up. But I have faith that these things will come in time. Soon, it will be hard to remember what life was like without them.
Right now, though, I am still pregnant and Baby Dani is thriving inside my womb- a miraculous design only our God could conceive of...one that a person could remain in awe of for much longer than 9 months. Right now, I have to continue to humble myself and depend on others because I can't climb or lift heavy things. Right now, I have to think about "being ready" for plans to change at any moment but going on with "life as normal" anyway... Right now, I thank God for giving me another child that I begged and waited and longed for- for teaching me patience, for teaching me to cherish what I already have. Right now, I am waiting, but I am also living and trying to take in these last few days before our lives radically change forever.
Waiting, beautiful waiting...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mother's Day and Our Due Date!
Well, Danali apparently didn't get the memo that she was supposed to come out today (go figure!) My sisters came down this past weekend and we thought it would be so perfect if she decided to come then (and tried everything we knew about to make it happen) so they could be there but, alas, it looks like she wants her own special day ; )
I stopped working on Friday officially, though I went in to finish up some loose ends today and now I am so looking forward to preparing a little more - the house (Juan Carlos's cousin is FINALLY moving out!) and emotionally and spiritually of course.
I have tried so hard to be patient during all this time but can't help but think Dani hasn't come yet because she knows I don't feel totally 100% ready... I know being "physically" ready is not the most important, but it can't hurt....
And with all these thoughts of "baby" and when she will make her appearance, I reflect back on Mother's Day one year ago- on the novena my grandmother, aunts and mother prayed with me that we would be blessed with a child, starting on May 1st. Now, a year later, I await the birth of a beautiful, healthy baby girl. How generous God has been with us!
I remember well the tears I shed last mother's day- tears of loss, of self-pity, of desperation. And, though I am so joyful and thankful for our current blessing, I cannot forget the women that continue to wait, that continue to mourn, that continue to long.
Oh Lord, please hear the cries of your daughters who long for children of their own. Place desires on their hearts that match your plan for them. Give them the grace and patience to accept YOUR will, whatever it may be. Thank you for the precious gift of Danali, who we hope to meet so soon and thank you again for the precious gift of our first daughter, Angelica, who lives now with you and watches over us. Help us to always recognize each moment, each day with our children as a gift and not take it for granted.
Mary, mother of God, pray for us. Thank you for your sacrifice, your unconditional love, your example. You were young, you did not feel "ready" you did not know what the future would hold but you opened your life to whatever it was that God would ask of you. May all women find inspiration in your life and your choice.
Amen.
I stopped working on Friday officially, though I went in to finish up some loose ends today and now I am so looking forward to preparing a little more - the house (Juan Carlos's cousin is FINALLY moving out!) and emotionally and spiritually of course.
I have tried so hard to be patient during all this time but can't help but think Dani hasn't come yet because she knows I don't feel totally 100% ready... I know being "physically" ready is not the most important, but it can't hurt....
And with all these thoughts of "baby" and when she will make her appearance, I reflect back on Mother's Day one year ago- on the novena my grandmother, aunts and mother prayed with me that we would be blessed with a child, starting on May 1st. Now, a year later, I await the birth of a beautiful, healthy baby girl. How generous God has been with us!
I remember well the tears I shed last mother's day- tears of loss, of self-pity, of desperation. And, though I am so joyful and thankful for our current blessing, I cannot forget the women that continue to wait, that continue to mourn, that continue to long.
Oh Lord, please hear the cries of your daughters who long for children of their own. Place desires on their hearts that match your plan for them. Give them the grace and patience to accept YOUR will, whatever it may be. Thank you for the precious gift of Danali, who we hope to meet so soon and thank you again for the precious gift of our first daughter, Angelica, who lives now with you and watches over us. Help us to always recognize each moment, each day with our children as a gift and not take it for granted.
Mary, mother of God, pray for us. Thank you for your sacrifice, your unconditional love, your example. You were young, you did not feel "ready" you did not know what the future would hold but you opened your life to whatever it was that God would ask of you. May all women find inspiration in your life and your choice.
Amen.
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