Thoughts and Feelings

I've been feeling pretty confused lately about my "direction" and "future" I've become pretty discouraged about my chances of becoming full time faculty at a local community college. I've been tossing around ideas of going to get my PhD, going to law school, just trying to focus more on family, and trying to decide where I can best use my gifts, serve my community, support my family, etc.

In the meantime, though, I am very happy teaching and being out of Saint Martin's. I feel like the things that are stressful now are worth being stressed over. I've had a couple classes "flop" or become awkward for one reason or another but other than that, it's been really enjoyable. I've been working MANY hours and haven't gained much time overall like I anticipated I would but I have gained a lot of flexibility in how I spend my time and I feel like it's been easier for me to take things "day by day" and not get overwhelmed.

I also read a couple pages of a book by Steven Covey called "The 8th Habit" (a followup to 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) and one line especially stood out to me. My former supervisor would always talk to me about how I had all this unused "potential" and he was talking about managing our families and empowering our children to take responsibility and said something like, "sometimes we believe in the potential of a person and not their worth, so we think it's not worth it to take the time, patience, self-sacrifice, etc. necessary to "invest" in them" He also talked about how when we're missing parts of our own self-worth, it's hard for us to believe in the worth of others... just got me thinking...

Juan Carlos, Danali and I are going to be a "host family" for a Japanese student in a program where we invite her to do things with us but don't necessarily have to have her spend the night. Since JC's brother is still living with us and occupying our third bedroom, this seemed like a great way to be involved with the resources we have...

Danali's baptism is also coming up on October 17th! I can't believe it's nearly October already! Time has just flown by recently! She will be baptized at Sacred Heart Parish in Lacey, WA at the Spanish mass with a huge fiesta to follow! Two of her cousins (one born last week!) will be baptized with her. My sister, Michelle and Juan Carlos's best friend, Ramon, will be the godparents. We're really excited!

Happy 4 months, Danali!

Danali-

You just get more and more fun as time goes by and we are falling more and more in love with you. I love that you are now seeming to recognize me when I come home after work or wake you up in the morning to get ready to go. You smile when you see your papi and I and it is so rewarding! I saw you roll over for the first time today. I had you on your tummy at your abuelita's house and I went to the bathroom and came out and you were on your back, but I had missed it! When I brought you home, I missed you rolling over again when I left the room for a second but I put you back on your tummy and watched as you toppled over onto your back!

Overall, you are a happy little girl and mostly only cry and fuss when you are hungry and tired. You STILL are NOT sleeping through the night! Though you're doing better and better... we want to start giving you rice cereal to help you stay full longer. The doctor says you are a "snacker" but it's hard for me to help you change that.

You are in the 95th percentile for height and weight!! At four months you are 25 inches long and 16 lbs. 13 oz.- a big, healthy girl! Some people don't believe you are only 4 months old! You are starting to grab things- you want to hold your own bottle and you fall asleep clinging to your abuelita's gold necklaces. Your grammy got you a johnny jump up and you love it! You cry when you're left alone and love and expect attention from everyone all the time.

Oh, and you got your ears pierced a couple weeks ago and your earrings look very pretty. You cried less for that than you do when we leave you alone for 5 minutes to throw the clothes in the dryer.

How we love you, my sweet girl! We can't wait to keep getting to know you! You are our world and we thank God every day for you in our lives!!

Love,
Your Mom

Pray Without Ceasing

Kristine reminded me the other day of that idea to "pray without ceasing" in her blog (I would add a link but don't know how- please feel free to enlighten me...) and I really love that concept, as it makes the most of every moment.

Today, I found myself thinking once again about everything I had to do and running through all the obligations in my head until I could finally come to that nice "relaxing" spot around 8:30pm or 9:00, right about the time we head to the bedroom to start getting ready for bed. I found myself feeling frustrated that this cherished time wasn't longer- that there were so many hoops to jump through first.

But then I thought... what if they weren't hoops? What if, instead of feeling like stopping at the store was a drag I could find a way to glamorize it, to make it feel like a privilege in my head, to ENJOY it? What if making dinner was not something to "get through" but again, something to dwell in and something to enjoy? What if it was all something to love doing and to put love into?

What if it was all a prayer? Then, there would be no wasted moments, no hoops to jump through, no obligations and responsibilities to get out of the way to make room for something "fun"- it would all be a conversation with God- I would see Him in everything and everybody and I would live as if it were Heaven here on Earth, with God by my side in everything I did. What a beautiful thing to strive for- a prayer in all the simplest, silliest, smallest parts of our day- a prayer without ceasing...