It would have been hard to imagine the first year we were married that I could ever feel this close to Juan Carlos or love him this much. Don't get me wrong- I loved him for sure- there are few other things that would compel a person to make a lifelong committment as profound as marriage out of their free will... but recently, I've just been blown away by his care and concern. His example makes me want to try harder and be better too and now I understand what this sacrament is supposed to be for people.
Even though he comes from a culture where it is not particularly "macho" to clean the house or make dinner, we agreed that since we both worked outside the home, we would both work inside the home as well. It wasn't always this way, but now he does more than his fair share. He takes care of the yard- even getting up early on his weekends to mow the lawn. He's also been helping to make or just making dinner on nights when I have to teach class in the evenings or just come home not feeling well.
I took a group of Latino students to a conference on Friday and Saturday and came home very late (12:30am) on Saturday night. I expected to find the house a mess since I knew Juan Carlos had friends over, with beer bottles and plates and ceviche remnants everywhere, but I was pleasantly surprised to see the kitchen was immaculate when I walked in.
When I went to the bedroom, it looked cleaner than when I had left and when I walked into the bathroom, I realized he had cleaned it all too. That alone was enough to make me want to cry in my state, but that wasn't all. He told me he had taken on another job on Sunday morning so he could make some money to take me out to dinner. And so, after staying up late Saturday night drinking with his brother and cousins, he got up early on Sunday morning and went to work.
And Sunday evening he took me out to dinner. All week I have been trying to mail a letter to my sister for her birthday and I ran out of stamps and haven't had a moment to even run and get some. He knew it was on my mind. So after dinner, while I took him mom home, he stopped at the store and got me stamps. It was so incredibly thoughtful and made me feel so loved.
Such seemingly small, seemingly unimportant things that make a world of difference for a relationship. It's not easy to be responsible or loving sometimes- a person would rather sit down on the couch and relax after work than cut up meat and vegetables and start cooking something. Most people would rather sleep in on a Saturday morning than go to work or work in the yard... but making the hard choice, doing the undesirable, responsible, loving thing instead brings you into such a deeper intimacy with the people you love. And that, in the end, really is worth it.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
A new gift
Well, I have been away again for quite awhile. It's hard to even remember where August and September have gone. August flew by with entertaining chaperones and summer groups at work and enjoying a couple more barbeques before the end of summer. Juan Carlos, Jaime (Juan Carlos's cousin) and I all took a road trip to CA towards the end of August to visit Jaime's sister and her family and that was a great time. It was really a bonding experience for Juan Carlos and I to take time away. The family lives on this huge vineyard where Jaime's brother-in-law works, and it was so neat to just be out in the middle of nowhere.
Juan Carlos was thrilled to be out on a ranch where he could do some firing practice, and he got a little over ambitious and killed a rabbit, which I was not impressed with at the time, but he felt really guilty, so I didn't hold a grudge. And we ate the rabbit, so it felt a little more justified. We woke up to roosters crowing every morning and enjoyed all the different animals and grapes around us. It really reinforced our dream to live on a farm of our own someday.
Then came September.
On September 11th, 2008, a year ago, I found out I was pregnant with our little Angelica.
On September 12th, 2009, one year later, I found out I was pregnant with our second precious child.
Of course I cried and Juan Carlos cried when I told him. We were happy the first time of course, but after so much waiting and praying and wanting, this time was a joy just overflowing with gratefulness. I was and am so incredibly grateful for another chance to be parents. Every day when I wake up, I thank God for another day with this new child. I know there are so many people who would give anything just to get that postive pregnancy test and I feel so thankful just for that- such a simple, miraculous moment and each new day that God gives us.
It's a strange time right now- the doctors won't see me until I'm 8-9 weeks along, so I have no evidence everything is ok- I can't hear the heartbeat or see the baby for myself. I am closer to my baby than I'll ever be yet I have less evidence of how he or she is doing than I probably ever will... I can't help but think of the thousands of women over the years and through the world who didn't or don't have any fancy technology to reassure them- who only have their faith in God to get them from one day to the next. I try to think of them and I try not to worry... though lately it's been especially hard. I'm still so grateful, but I feel myself getting attached and getting scared to lose this baby too. Only the size of a blueberry and yet this tiny person has already captured my heart and I can only pray for the gift of being able to hold a healthy, living baby in my arms in May.
Please join me in this prayer. Please pray for peace for our family during this time of much excitement and yet much anxiety... I don't want to worry- I just want to love, but it's hard not to be afraid sometimes... Thank you for all your love and support. It means so much!
Juan Carlos was thrilled to be out on a ranch where he could do some firing practice, and he got a little over ambitious and killed a rabbit, which I was not impressed with at the time, but he felt really guilty, so I didn't hold a grudge. And we ate the rabbit, so it felt a little more justified. We woke up to roosters crowing every morning and enjoyed all the different animals and grapes around us. It really reinforced our dream to live on a farm of our own someday.
Then came September.
On September 11th, 2008, a year ago, I found out I was pregnant with our little Angelica.
On September 12th, 2009, one year later, I found out I was pregnant with our second precious child.
Of course I cried and Juan Carlos cried when I told him. We were happy the first time of course, but after so much waiting and praying and wanting, this time was a joy just overflowing with gratefulness. I was and am so incredibly grateful for another chance to be parents. Every day when I wake up, I thank God for another day with this new child. I know there are so many people who would give anything just to get that postive pregnancy test and I feel so thankful just for that- such a simple, miraculous moment and each new day that God gives us.
It's a strange time right now- the doctors won't see me until I'm 8-9 weeks along, so I have no evidence everything is ok- I can't hear the heartbeat or see the baby for myself. I am closer to my baby than I'll ever be yet I have less evidence of how he or she is doing than I probably ever will... I can't help but think of the thousands of women over the years and through the world who didn't or don't have any fancy technology to reassure them- who only have their faith in God to get them from one day to the next. I try to think of them and I try not to worry... though lately it's been especially hard. I'm still so grateful, but I feel myself getting attached and getting scared to lose this baby too. Only the size of a blueberry and yet this tiny person has already captured my heart and I can only pray for the gift of being able to hold a healthy, living baby in my arms in May.
Please join me in this prayer. Please pray for peace for our family during this time of much excitement and yet much anxiety... I don't want to worry- I just want to love, but it's hard not to be afraid sometimes... Thank you for all your love and support. It means so much!
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