Although the history of it may be a bit more controversial, I have always thought it is really neat to have a day set aside each year just dedicated to being thankful.
When I think of gratitude, I am often reminded of a vague memory I have of a movie scene (though I honestly can't remember which movie it is now) where two people are talking and one asks the other: "Why do you believe in God?" and the other person says (something to the effect of), "Have you ever seen the sky full of stars and just felt your heart full of gratitude? To feel grateful, you must feel grateful to someone- I think that's God."
I continue to thank God every day for my truly incredible family, loving, supportive friends, my amazing husband, my precious children (in heaven and in the womb), and all the blessings in my life. May I never take these for granted.
Thank you, Lord, for filling my heart with a gratitude that can only lead me back to You, the source of all blessings and the gift of life itself...
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Feeling Grateful
I have been feeling so incredibly grateful lately for all the blessings in my life. I wish I could always see things the way I see them now but I am grateful for this glimpse into all that I have to be grateful for.
Our home
Our home, a true combination of what each of us was looking for, is everything I could want. It is simple, big enough for Juan Carlos and I, the two people we currently have living with us and will be perfect for growing our family in. It is incredibly close to everything- the freeway, our work, several stores, Juan Carlos's mother- what an incredible blessing to own our own home and one that we can be so proud of. I really want to dedicate more time to keeping it clean and taking good care of it, so it can last us many years.
Our puppy
I never thought I would be a "dog person"- I always loved horses growing up, but never had one and never was as interested in animals as others... but our little puppy came at the perfect time and has really revitalized me in so many ways. She constantly makes us laugh and though she certainly frustrates us sometimes with her accidents or chewing on things she shouldn't, we have both developed a real love for her as a very special little being who we have the privilege of caring for.
Our work
In this time that so many are struggling to find any work, let alone work they find fulfilling and meaningful, I am so grateful for my job. I am lucky to have gotten a management position recently out of school that I probably really wasn't qualified for but that has provided me with awesome opportunities to grow. In spite of my frustrations with wanting more autonomy, more support, more resources, more opportunity, I really do recognize I am so lucky to have a position that can not only support my family but that I find fulfilling and meaningful. Teaching allows me to really utilize my creative side, advising allows me to have one on one time with students which I love, and being part of a staff allows me to be part of a dynamic team, which I truly enjoy. Juan Carlos also has been working consistently with a good group of guys in construction. He is respected and has gotten raises since starting there. He has the opportunity to learn and add to his skill-base, which will help him in the future. I am so happy he is somewhere that he is treated well and respected for the hard worker he is.
Our children
Thinking of Angelica never seems to get much easier- I still feel confused and hurt sometimes about why she can't be with us now, but I was and am and will always be so grateful for her life. As both Juan Carlos and I have experienced some close calls in which we almost got seriously hurt or even could have died, I have to wonder if Angelica is somehow watching out for us from heaven. I have asked for her intercession on many occassions and she continues to be a very real part of my life even in heaven. I cannot be angry at God for giving us a child only to take her away, because I would never trade the time we had with her and the impact she's had on our lives. I look forward to telling her younger siblings about her and comforting them, too, with being able to ask for her intercession when they need it.
And, of course, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this new life that God has blessed us with. So grateful to have successfully made it through the first trimester, symbolizing a solid 3 months God has already given me with this precious child. I continue to thank God every day for this opportunity and pray that we will get to hold and care for this child a long while here on earth. I am so incredibly blessed and I'm enjoying being pregnant so much.
My body
I, like many women, have had a rocky relationship with my body over the course of my life. From wanting to be taller, thinner, have a bigger chest, a different profile, prettier eyes to being incredibly angry at my body for not doing what it "should have" in supporting Angelica's life and later not going through "normal" cycles, it's been hard for me to come to terms and feel at peace with who I am in my own body.
This pregnancy, my tummy "popped" very early and I already look like some other people I know looked at 6 months at 3. I was tempted to be disappointed that I wasn't going to have the slim pregnant figure I had hoped I would, but as I've read more about pregnancy and really come to be more in touch with the true miracle that pregnancy is, I've been able to "let it go" and be at peace with letting this process run its course. I am so grateful for my body- that I was able to ovulate again after months that I seemingly didn't, making conception possible. I am so grateful that my body has been able to support the miracle of pregnancy this long. I am thankful for my generally good health, for energy, for not being in pain, for no serious illnesses...
Our Marriage
Juan Carlos and I have grown incredibly close over our time together, but especially since the sacrament of marriage. As we took an early morning walk this morning in the cool, crisp autumn air, we talked about how it was hard to adjust to being married right away. The wedding comes and goes in a day but marriage is truly a journey and a lifetime of work. Lately, we have both had to make a lot of sacrifices and put a lot of work into serving each other and being patient with each other, but we have built up a really strong foundation for our family and our future. Just as people develop bad habits of yelling at each other, namecalling, and doing or saying hurtful things, couples can also develop habits of calling just to say "I love you", cleaning up the kitchen for the 3rd time that day without complaining, giving an unexpected hug or kiss or shoulder rub. We are not perfect by any means but we are trying to develop some of the latter habits and our relationship just seems to be getting better and better. I am so grateful for my husband and everything he is and aspires to be. And I am so excited to build the rest of my life with him.
I could go on and on, but I think it's clear for as many things as seem to not work, there are still countless things that do and I am so grateful for everything that is working out for us right now. I cherish this precious time in our life, full of hope and full of love.
Our home
Our home, a true combination of what each of us was looking for, is everything I could want. It is simple, big enough for Juan Carlos and I, the two people we currently have living with us and will be perfect for growing our family in. It is incredibly close to everything- the freeway, our work, several stores, Juan Carlos's mother- what an incredible blessing to own our own home and one that we can be so proud of. I really want to dedicate more time to keeping it clean and taking good care of it, so it can last us many years.
Our puppy
I never thought I would be a "dog person"- I always loved horses growing up, but never had one and never was as interested in animals as others... but our little puppy came at the perfect time and has really revitalized me in so many ways. She constantly makes us laugh and though she certainly frustrates us sometimes with her accidents or chewing on things she shouldn't, we have both developed a real love for her as a very special little being who we have the privilege of caring for.
Our work
In this time that so many are struggling to find any work, let alone work they find fulfilling and meaningful, I am so grateful for my job. I am lucky to have gotten a management position recently out of school that I probably really wasn't qualified for but that has provided me with awesome opportunities to grow. In spite of my frustrations with wanting more autonomy, more support, more resources, more opportunity, I really do recognize I am so lucky to have a position that can not only support my family but that I find fulfilling and meaningful. Teaching allows me to really utilize my creative side, advising allows me to have one on one time with students which I love, and being part of a staff allows me to be part of a dynamic team, which I truly enjoy. Juan Carlos also has been working consistently with a good group of guys in construction. He is respected and has gotten raises since starting there. He has the opportunity to learn and add to his skill-base, which will help him in the future. I am so happy he is somewhere that he is treated well and respected for the hard worker he is.
Our children
Thinking of Angelica never seems to get much easier- I still feel confused and hurt sometimes about why she can't be with us now, but I was and am and will always be so grateful for her life. As both Juan Carlos and I have experienced some close calls in which we almost got seriously hurt or even could have died, I have to wonder if Angelica is somehow watching out for us from heaven. I have asked for her intercession on many occassions and she continues to be a very real part of my life even in heaven. I cannot be angry at God for giving us a child only to take her away, because I would never trade the time we had with her and the impact she's had on our lives. I look forward to telling her younger siblings about her and comforting them, too, with being able to ask for her intercession when they need it.
And, of course, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this new life that God has blessed us with. So grateful to have successfully made it through the first trimester, symbolizing a solid 3 months God has already given me with this precious child. I continue to thank God every day for this opportunity and pray that we will get to hold and care for this child a long while here on earth. I am so incredibly blessed and I'm enjoying being pregnant so much.
My body
I, like many women, have had a rocky relationship with my body over the course of my life. From wanting to be taller, thinner, have a bigger chest, a different profile, prettier eyes to being incredibly angry at my body for not doing what it "should have" in supporting Angelica's life and later not going through "normal" cycles, it's been hard for me to come to terms and feel at peace with who I am in my own body.
This pregnancy, my tummy "popped" very early and I already look like some other people I know looked at 6 months at 3. I was tempted to be disappointed that I wasn't going to have the slim pregnant figure I had hoped I would, but as I've read more about pregnancy and really come to be more in touch with the true miracle that pregnancy is, I've been able to "let it go" and be at peace with letting this process run its course. I am so grateful for my body- that I was able to ovulate again after months that I seemingly didn't, making conception possible. I am so grateful that my body has been able to support the miracle of pregnancy this long. I am thankful for my generally good health, for energy, for not being in pain, for no serious illnesses...
Our Marriage
Juan Carlos and I have grown incredibly close over our time together, but especially since the sacrament of marriage. As we took an early morning walk this morning in the cool, crisp autumn air, we talked about how it was hard to adjust to being married right away. The wedding comes and goes in a day but marriage is truly a journey and a lifetime of work. Lately, we have both had to make a lot of sacrifices and put a lot of work into serving each other and being patient with each other, but we have built up a really strong foundation for our family and our future. Just as people develop bad habits of yelling at each other, namecalling, and doing or saying hurtful things, couples can also develop habits of calling just to say "I love you", cleaning up the kitchen for the 3rd time that day without complaining, giving an unexpected hug or kiss or shoulder rub. We are not perfect by any means but we are trying to develop some of the latter habits and our relationship just seems to be getting better and better. I am so grateful for my husband and everything he is and aspires to be. And I am so excited to build the rest of my life with him.
I could go on and on, but I think it's clear for as many things as seem to not work, there are still countless things that do and I am so grateful for everything that is working out for us right now. I cherish this precious time in our life, full of hope and full of love.
Friday, November 6, 2009
A Miracle Story
I was thinking about this again last night and decided I should write about it. Juan Carlos works in construction, mostly doing framing work. Awhile ago, he was walking on some beams that were two stories high and about a foot wide, finishing the frame on top or something (I don't know much about construction). But as he was walking, he lost his footing and started to fall backwards. He said he could feel himself about half way down when all of a sudden it was like he was pushed up, he regained footing and was saved from a two story high fall. He still has no idea how he was able to get his balance again. Wow. Think someone was watching out for him?
Monday, November 2, 2009
All Souls Day/Dia de los muertos
Today is a little somber for Juan Carlos and I as we remember some incredibly important people who are no longer with us- who seemed to be with us for much too short a time. I'd like to say a little about each of them:
My aunt Kelly-
Kelly always seemed to live far from us as I was growing up so we didn't see her very often or know her very well, but I'll never forget her smile and her warmth when we did. Maybe because it was so special an occassion, she really seemed to cherish our time together. Kelly had many struggles here on earth with eating disorders and alcoholism, but even these things did not stand in the way of her family's love for her or hers for them. Her life has taught me that love is stronger than even the deepest hurt or the choices we make- God loves us in spite of how we feel or what we do. I know God loved and loves Kelly profoundly and pray that she is at peace now, at His side.
My grandpa Ben-
I feel our time with my dear grandpa was much too short. He was always so fun to visit because he was so focused on us, playing with us, spending time with us. I remember windy days on the beach where he lived, collecting sea shells, playing in the ocean and flying kites. I remember how he let us sit on his lap and play with his face for hours... I still don't know how he got it to stay in so many different ways.... I remember wanting a piggy back ride and being told that no, grandpa's back hurt. I remember that he was going to come stay with us when he was very sick but he died too soon. Rest in peace, dear Grandpa- I miss you and love you!
Evaristo Garcia-
As has been mentioned in previous posts, Juan Carlos's father died when Juan Carlos was only four years old. Most of what both of us know about him has been through stories from cousins, aunts and uncles and Juan Carlos's mother. It's sad to lose someone you've known and loved but I also feel such a loss for never having known this man- such a short, yet important part of my husband's life. He was an entrepenuer and started his own movie theater- I understand that he was very persistent in "conquistando" Juan Carlos's mother and he was always easier on the boys than she was. Sometimes his mother scolded him for not punishing them more, so when they did something bad he promised he would go spank them but he took them to another room and gave them a hug instead- he couldn't bring himself to do it... I look forward to meeting him someday in heaven for myself and pray that he is at peace and prays for us still here on earth.
Angelica Grace Garcia Martinez-
Finally, this day reminds me most of our precious daughter, so small, yet so full of life for so many months. I really believe she was strong, as she lived several weeks into the second trimester, which is rare if there is a chromosomal problem. I had thought at times in the past that when I was pregnant again, I might not feel so sad about losing her, but every time I think of her, tears still fill my eyes. It's only easier when I don't think about it- maybe that's why Juan Carlos tends to use that strategy. I guess just like any mother that has more than one child could tell you, nothing could replace the loss of one of their children. I guess that must be how God feels and why it breaks God's heart to be rejected by even one of Her billion sons and daughters. I pray that God holds her tightly in His arms until the day when I am able to meet them both in heaven.
My aunt Kelly-
Kelly always seemed to live far from us as I was growing up so we didn't see her very often or know her very well, but I'll never forget her smile and her warmth when we did. Maybe because it was so special an occassion, she really seemed to cherish our time together. Kelly had many struggles here on earth with eating disorders and alcoholism, but even these things did not stand in the way of her family's love for her or hers for them. Her life has taught me that love is stronger than even the deepest hurt or the choices we make- God loves us in spite of how we feel or what we do. I know God loved and loves Kelly profoundly and pray that she is at peace now, at His side.
My grandpa Ben-
I feel our time with my dear grandpa was much too short. He was always so fun to visit because he was so focused on us, playing with us, spending time with us. I remember windy days on the beach where he lived, collecting sea shells, playing in the ocean and flying kites. I remember how he let us sit on his lap and play with his face for hours... I still don't know how he got it to stay in so many different ways.... I remember wanting a piggy back ride and being told that no, grandpa's back hurt. I remember that he was going to come stay with us when he was very sick but he died too soon. Rest in peace, dear Grandpa- I miss you and love you!
Evaristo Garcia-
As has been mentioned in previous posts, Juan Carlos's father died when Juan Carlos was only four years old. Most of what both of us know about him has been through stories from cousins, aunts and uncles and Juan Carlos's mother. It's sad to lose someone you've known and loved but I also feel such a loss for never having known this man- such a short, yet important part of my husband's life. He was an entrepenuer and started his own movie theater- I understand that he was very persistent in "conquistando" Juan Carlos's mother and he was always easier on the boys than she was. Sometimes his mother scolded him for not punishing them more, so when they did something bad he promised he would go spank them but he took them to another room and gave them a hug instead- he couldn't bring himself to do it... I look forward to meeting him someday in heaven for myself and pray that he is at peace and prays for us still here on earth.
Angelica Grace Garcia Martinez-
Finally, this day reminds me most of our precious daughter, so small, yet so full of life for so many months. I really believe she was strong, as she lived several weeks into the second trimester, which is rare if there is a chromosomal problem. I had thought at times in the past that when I was pregnant again, I might not feel so sad about losing her, but every time I think of her, tears still fill my eyes. It's only easier when I don't think about it- maybe that's why Juan Carlos tends to use that strategy. I guess just like any mother that has more than one child could tell you, nothing could replace the loss of one of their children. I guess that must be how God feels and why it breaks God's heart to be rejected by even one of Her billion sons and daughters. I pray that God holds her tightly in His arms until the day when I am able to meet them both in heaven.
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