Feeling Grateful

I have been feeling so incredibly grateful lately for all the blessings in my life. I wish I could always see things the way I see them now but I am grateful for this glimpse into all that I have to be grateful for.

Our home

Our home, a true combination of what each of us was looking for, is everything I could want. It is simple, big enough for Juan Carlos and I, the two people we currently have living with us and will be perfect for growing our family in. It is incredibly close to everything- the freeway, our work, several stores, Juan Carlos's mother- what an incredible blessing to own our own home and one that we can be so proud of. I really want to dedicate more time to keeping it clean and taking good care of it, so it can last us many years.

Our puppy

I never thought I would be a "dog person"- I always loved horses growing up, but never had one and never was as interested in animals as others... but our little puppy came at the perfect time and has really revitalized me in so many ways. She constantly makes us laugh and though she certainly frustrates us sometimes with her accidents or chewing on things she shouldn't, we have both developed a real love for her as a very special little being who we have the privilege of caring for.

Our work

In this time that so many are struggling to find any work, let alone work they find fulfilling and meaningful, I am so grateful for my job. I am lucky to have gotten a management position recently out of school that I probably really wasn't qualified for but that has provided me with awesome opportunities to grow. In spite of my frustrations with wanting more autonomy, more support, more resources, more opportunity, I really do recognize I am so lucky to have a position that can not only support my family but that I find fulfilling and meaningful. Teaching allows me to really utilize my creative side, advising allows me to have one on one time with students which I love, and being part of a staff allows me to be part of a dynamic team, which I truly enjoy. Juan Carlos also has been working consistently with a good group of guys in construction. He is respected and has gotten raises since starting there. He has the opportunity to learn and add to his skill-base, which will help him in the future. I am so happy he is somewhere that he is treated well and respected for the hard worker he is.

Our children

Thinking of Angelica never seems to get much easier- I still feel confused and hurt sometimes about why she can't be with us now, but I was and am and will always be so grateful for her life. As both Juan Carlos and I have experienced some close calls in which we almost got seriously hurt or even could have died, I have to wonder if Angelica is somehow watching out for us from heaven. I have asked for her intercession on many occassions and she continues to be a very real part of my life even in heaven. I cannot be angry at God for giving us a child only to take her away, because I would never trade the time we had with her and the impact she's had on our lives. I look forward to telling her younger siblings about her and comforting them, too, with being able to ask for her intercession when they need it.

And, of course, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this new life that God has blessed us with. So grateful to have successfully made it through the first trimester, symbolizing a solid 3 months God has already given me with this precious child. I continue to thank God every day for this opportunity and pray that we will get to hold and care for this child a long while here on earth. I am so incredibly blessed and I'm enjoying being pregnant so much.

My body

I, like many women, have had a rocky relationship with my body over the course of my life. From wanting to be taller, thinner, have a bigger chest, a different profile, prettier eyes to being incredibly angry at my body for not doing what it "should have" in supporting Angelica's life and later not going through "normal" cycles, it's been hard for me to come to terms and feel at peace with who I am in my own body.

This pregnancy, my tummy "popped" very early and I already look like some other people I know looked at 6 months at 3. I was tempted to be disappointed that I wasn't going to have the slim pregnant figure I had hoped I would, but as I've read more about pregnancy and really come to be more in touch with the true miracle that pregnancy is, I've been able to "let it go" and be at peace with letting this process run its course. I am so grateful for my body- that I was able to ovulate again after months that I seemingly didn't, making conception possible. I am so grateful that my body has been able to support the miracle of pregnancy this long. I am thankful for my generally good health, for energy, for not being in pain, for no serious illnesses...

Our Marriage

Juan Carlos and I have grown incredibly close over our time together, but especially since the sacrament of marriage. As we took an early morning walk this morning in the cool, crisp autumn air, we talked about how it was hard to adjust to being married right away. The wedding comes and goes in a day but marriage is truly a journey and a lifetime of work. Lately, we have both had to make a lot of sacrifices and put a lot of work into serving each other and being patient with each other, but we have built up a really strong foundation for our family and our future. Just as people develop bad habits of yelling at each other, namecalling, and doing or saying hurtful things, couples can also develop habits of calling just to say "I love you", cleaning up the kitchen for the 3rd time that day without complaining, giving an unexpected hug or kiss or shoulder rub. We are not perfect by any means but we are trying to develop some of the latter habits and our relationship just seems to be getting better and better. I am so grateful for my husband and everything he is and aspires to be. And I am so excited to build the rest of my life with him.

I could go on and on, but I think it's clear for as many things as seem to not work, there are still countless things that do and I am so grateful for everything that is working out for us right now. I cherish this precious time in our life, full of hope and full of love.