Danali's Birth Story

I had the entire story written out several days ago, but lost it all, so here it goes again...

I was surprised and disappointed when I woke up on Tuesday, May 18th, still not in labor. I had acupuncture the day before and was sure that since that seemed to help the baby be conceived that it would help get her out as well, but there I was, still as pregnant as could be.

My mom went with me to the appointment I had that morning to do a non-stress test and start talking about induction. I really wanted to at least TRY to not have pain meds so I didn't want to be induced, because I knew it would probably make it A LOT harder. But I tried to keep an open mind, knowing the most important thing is that the baby arrives safely.

Everything was fine at the test but the midwife suggested scheduling an induction for Friday, May 21st if the baby didn't come by then because of the midwives' schedules, shortages, etc. I agreed. The midwife also "swept my membranes" and gave me a recipe for a "castor oil milkshake" as I fondly refer to it.

That afternoon I went out to lunch with my coworkers, which was really wonderful and then came home and decided that in spite of trying to avoid the "castor oil remedy" all this time, maybe I should give it a whirl. So, two scoops of vanilla ice cream, 4 oz of orange juice and 4 oz of castor oil- It tasted like an oily orange creamsicle milkshake. I know- real appetizing...

Well, a couple hours later I was in deep regret practically glued to the toilet. I was having contractions but couldn't tell if they were "real" or not because I was so uncomfortable in that area in general. I called my mom from the bathroom and described the situation- she suggested that I might be in labor and said she was coming over. I didn't know what to think. Eventually I pulled myself off the toilet and did start to recognize the contractions were quite uncomfortable. Juan Carlos suggested we relax in the living room and watch some TV while we wait for things to take their course.

Side note: I had fully anticipated the average 12 hour first phase of labor and purposely left myself things to do around the house, etc. to distract myself so as to not grow bored and anxious with the whole process...

When we went to the living room I sat on the exercise ball, hoping that would get things going and after a couple bounces, I felt something strange- I stood up and felt something drain- I ran to our entry way since it was hard wood and not carpet and I did not want to get whatever it was on the carpet. Then I realized my water had probably broken. I scurried down the hall to the bathroom and we confirmed that was what happened. It was finally time!

My mom arrived shortly thereafter and I decided to take a shower. I decided I would labor in my room for awhile (we didn't want to go to the hospital too soon) so I put on Enya and my mom lit some candles. Every time I had a contraction I would grab Juan Carlos's hand or give him a hug. My mom started to think they were pretty close together so she started timing them. They were between 3-5 minutes apart but only lasted between 20-45 seconds. Mom started making some phone calls to determine whether we should head to the hospital and by about 6:30 we were on our way. I of course was not totally prepared and was trying to grab a variety of last minute things as JC was pulling me out the door...

As we were walking into the emergency room, I felt my water continue to "break" and remember JC telling me not to worry about it. We walked past a trash can on the way in and I turned around and decided I needed to throw up right then and there. I think some of the castor oil milkshake made it into the garbage, though most ended up on the window behind it, I think. I'm sure JC was disgusted but reassured me it was ok (as he should). My mom pulled up a wheelchair and wheeled me through the hospital to the Family and Birth Center.

When we arrived, they hooked me up to some monitors to see how the baby was doing, etc. Then they wanted to test the "water" to make sure it really was my water that had broken. They said it could be "false labor" All I could think was that the only thing worse than going through this right now would be if they said it was "false labor" and I had to go through it all again tomorrow...

Luckily, they confirmed I was indeed in labor. My mom requested a room with a soaking tub for me and thankfully, one was available and the nurse hooked us up...

The tub helped a ton. When I would have contractions, Juan Carlos would gently splash water on me and it was incredible how much that helped. I was in the tub for about an hour and a half from around 8:00 -9:30pm I think... I could hear the nurse telling my mom that maybe the baby would be born by "tomorrow night" and I tried not to freak out that I would be having contractions like these all night.

I got tired of the tub and decided I needed to go to the bathroom again, so I did that and then I got this very strong urge to push- and to push hard. I thought that was extremely strange because when I had checked in, I was only dilated to 2-3 cm. It seemed really early to be wanting to push.

My contractions were also really strong by this point, though they never seemed to get into a consistent pattern. I didn't think I could do it much longer without medication. I asked my mom to see when I could get some meds. She ran to get the nurse and JC stayed with me. He seemed a little disappointed because he wanted me to do it naturally but I think he could also see I was in a lot of pain.

The nurse said she had to check to see how dilated I was to decide when they could give me something. As she checked, she said, "wow, so you see how things can go." She said some word I didn't understand and told me "the worst was over" I was very confused because the baby's head had not come out- I could not see how the "worst could be over" My mom filled me in that I was dilated to a 9 and the nurse called the doctor. The next 30 minutes were a total whirl. People running around putting clothes and plastic sheets and everything around me.

Juan Carlos and my mom grabbed my legs and the nurse and doctor tried to explain to me the "pushing method" - push, but pull back on your legs, hold your breath, scrunch your chest, but remember to breathe.... it all sounded like a lot of contradiction to me. And it was all happening so fast. I was overwhelmed by the lack of choice I had in what was happening... I just had to go with it.

Pushing was painful but oddly more comfortable than the other contractions in a way. Maybe it's because I knew I was close or it seemed to be productive... I also had real, true "breaks" in between my pushing contractions so that was awesome. I remember everyone telling me what to do but also being really supportive, saying I was doing great and the baby was almost here...

7 contractions and approximately 21 pushes later (Juan Carlos was counting) Baby Danali Eliana finally arrived at about 10:40pm. I had always imagined that when they put her on my chest I would hold her close and cry, but I don't know if I was just in shock from it all going so fast or what happened but I remember them handing me this beautiful, vernix covered baby and me saying "What do I do? What do I do?" I'm sure I lost maternal instinct points in my chart for that response... I was SO overwhelmed with the life that was now, finally with me. And I couldn't believe I had gotten through pregnancy and labor and I couldn't believe she was healthy and alive and beautiful...

My sister, Michelle, had wanted to be there for the birth but it went too fast- she and my dad arrived very shortly after Dani was born.

I am so grateful for such a smooth labor, for the incredible support of my family, especially my mom and Juan Carlos. I know God was with us through the whole thing. We have fallen in love all over again with the newest member of our family. Thank you for all your prayers and support. I depend on that grace tremendously.

Welcome Danali Eliana!

Born Tuesday, May 18th 2010 at 10:40pm.
Weight: 7 lbs. 9 oz.
Length: 20.5 inches
Apgar: 9.9 (healthy as can be!)

We are in love already!!

Beautiful Waiting

We are still waiting for signs of labor and for our little girl to join us outside the womb, but how precious this time has been for me. I feel a little guilty that I took the week off work and didn't "need" to, but at the same time, I feel so much better about our home- our freezer is stocked, the house is much more organized before, I'm getting rid of lots of things we don't need, etc. I've been able to help out my mother in law with some things, go on some walks with my mom and just rest too.

It's been an emotional week, but such a blessing. And in this time of waiting, I've thought a lot about what waiting does for us.

I will never forget a lesson my parents taught me when I was a little girl. I wanted an American girl doll SO much, but my parents said I had to save for it and wait a year (or maybe it just seemed that long ; ) before I could get it. I remember thinking why couldn't they just get it for me? Why make me save? Why make me wait? But I did and oh, how I treasured that doll. I imagine that if it had been easy, I might have loved the doll for a short time and then discarded her. Sometimes it is the things we have to work for and the things we have to wait for that mean the most to us.

The Church year is also made up of several seasons of waiting- waiting for Christ to be born, preparing for Christ's death and resurrection, and waiting for Christ to come again... there must be a value in "waiting" that helps us to value special days or events so much more.

I have felt that lesson a hundred fold with our small daughter. How we waited after losing Angelica to get pregnant again. One short year- such a small time in comparison to everything, in comparison to what many couples must wait, but such a long time to desperately beg God to please just give us another child. And now, we've waited 9 months- 9 wonderful months... I really can't complain. This pregnancy has been relatively easy and very enjoyable. In ways it has gone by very quickly. And now, we wait again. But the beautiful part about this waiting is that we know it's just a matter of time.

As some have told me, "remember, nobody is pregnant forever" Somehow, some way, we will get to know this precious little one inside at some point, so it makes the journey that much easier. Of course, I am anxious. I look at her small bassinet and imagine lying her in it, watching her sleep. I imagine Juan Carlos playing with her, holding her. I imagine diaper messes, sore nipples from nursing, and spit up. But I have faith that these things will come in time. Soon, it will be hard to remember what life was like without them.

Right now, though, I am still pregnant and Baby Dani is thriving inside my womb- a miraculous design only our God could conceive of...one that a person could remain in awe of for much longer than 9 months. Right now, I have to continue to humble myself and depend on others because I can't climb or lift heavy things. Right now, I have to think about "being ready" for plans to change at any moment but going on with "life as normal" anyway... Right now, I thank God for giving me another child that I begged and waited and longed for- for teaching me patience, for teaching me to cherish what I already have. Right now, I am waiting, but I am also living and trying to take in these last few days before our lives radically change forever.

Waiting, beautiful waiting...

Mother's Day and Our Due Date!

Well, Danali apparently didn't get the memo that she was supposed to come out today (go figure!) My sisters came down this past weekend and we thought it would be so perfect if she decided to come then (and tried everything we knew about to make it happen) so they could be there but, alas, it looks like she wants her own special day ; )

I stopped working on Friday officially, though I went in to finish up some loose ends today and now I am so looking forward to preparing a little more - the house (Juan Carlos's cousin is FINALLY moving out!) and emotionally and spiritually of course.

I have tried so hard to be patient during all this time but can't help but think Dani hasn't come yet because she knows I don't feel totally 100% ready... I know being "physically" ready is not the most important, but it can't hurt....

And with all these thoughts of "baby" and when she will make her appearance, I reflect back on Mother's Day one year ago- on the novena my grandmother, aunts and mother prayed with me that we would be blessed with a child, starting on May 1st. Now, a year later, I await the birth of a beautiful, healthy baby girl. How generous God has been with us!

I remember well the tears I shed last mother's day- tears of loss, of self-pity, of desperation. And, though I am so joyful and thankful for our current blessing, I cannot forget the women that continue to wait, that continue to mourn, that continue to long.

Oh Lord, please hear the cries of your daughters who long for children of their own. Place desires on their hearts that match your plan for them. Give them the grace and patience to accept YOUR will, whatever it may be. Thank you for the precious gift of Danali, who we hope to meet so soon and thank you again for the precious gift of our first daughter, Angelica, who lives now with you and watches over us. Help us to always recognize each moment, each day with our children as a gift and not take it for granted.

Mary, mother of God, pray for us. Thank you for your sacrifice, your unconditional love, your example. You were young, you did not feel "ready" you did not know what the future would hold but you opened your life to whatever it was that God would ask of you. May all women find inspiration in your life and your choice.

Amen.

A little validation

Yesterday, my boss surprised me with a short chat about how she and the director of the Learning and Writing Center were talking about the need for a new position that could collaborate between faculty and the international office and work on transitional programming for international students (something I've come to find I feel very passionately about).

She said the more they talked, the more they realized that the person and the qualifications they were talking about was me. The new position would report to the director of the Learning and Writing Center, a woman I admire and get along with.

My supervisor told me not to get my hopes up since they are still just "dreaming up" the position, they haven't located a space for the person or gotten the VPAA's approval, but it is fun to think about and dream. Yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about all the neat things I could do in a position like that and how wonderful it would be to work for someone that believes in me again!

Regardless of what happens, what a great feeling to be told that I was "thought of" for something like that... Strange to have your boss tell you she thinks it would basically be good if you didn't work for her anymore, but maybe I should give her credit for recognizing that it's not a good situation for either of us and I could be more effective and fulfilled doing something else...

My prayer is just that God helps me to take advantage of the opportunities where He can use me most and the right paths open at the right time. Thank you to all who have been praying for me.

Getting closer...

What an amazing and yet very strange time to be in the last week or so before the due date and know that anything could happen at any time... We go on with life "as normal" but warn everyone we make plans with that we might have to cancel at the last minute...

Every morning when I go to work, my coworkers say, "oh, here you are again!"

I was planning to work until I REALLY went into labor, so I could take as much time afterwards as possible (I get 12 weeks/60 days altogether) but I've decided Friday will be my last day, whether the baby has come or not. If she hasn't come yet, I just want to have the time to relax, journal, cook and freeze some meals and really prepare emotionally and physically for what's to come.

I feel like work has been really consuming and stressful and it's just wearing me down. It feels great to have an "end" in sight. I am hoping and praying that I can find other work in the next couple months, so I don't have to go back, but hopefully, even if I do, I can last a bit longer with a fresh perspective...

Here are some signs we may be getting closer (though I really don't know since I've never done this before)

1) The baby's punches seem lower than before
2) My nighttime bathroom trips have doubled from 2-3 to 4-6.
3) More and more frequent Braxton Hicks, especially when I go for walks
4) Feeling crampy and like it's "that time of month"
5) Walking for 20 minutes at a time is about my limit now...
6) I don't know physically how I could possibly get any bigger
7) Juan Carlos told me last night that he thinks it will be soon because I look "weird" - thanks darling!

I have another OB appt. today so I may or may not know more after that. Last time, they told me the baby is "good sized"- at least 8 lbs and that they probably won't let me go too far past my due date, so we're hoping and praying for sometime this week. Ideally, this weekend would be great, when JC won't have to work and my sister will be in town, but most of all, of course, we just want baby Dani to be born strong and healthy. Please keep us in your prayers and I'll try to keep you posted!