Monday, June 7, 2010

Still in awe

Well, the past couple weeks have flown by (the days at least, sometimes the nights seem quite long...) Danali has yet to sleep in more than a 3 hour stretch, but I understand that's pretty typical. I am amazed I have been able to keep plugging away in spite of such sleep deprivation. And I am also so thankful for the "nap breaks" from Juan Carlos and my mom and for this lovely concept of maternity leave.

And in spite of the sometimes frustrating moments when I can't seem to find "what's wrong" and get Danali to stop crying or I don't know whether green poop is normal or not or I worry about whether she's sleeping ok or breathing ok, I look down at my little girl and still find myself in a state of complete awe.

It just doesn't get old. I still can't believe 10 months ago, she was just a sperm and egg you can't even see and that somehow inside me, she's grown into this tiny, complete little person, with 10 fingers and toes and all the internal organs all of us "big" people have.

And I'm still totally overwhelmed with the gift that God has given us, entrusting us with this little life. I feel so unworthy- like Moses, I want to tell God that maybe I'm not the one for this after all. It's such a big responsibility and honor and I'm just... well, I'm just so normal- I'm not a good cook, I forget where I put my keys, I always put off cleaning the bathroom an unreasonable amount of time...

But I guess that's why God doesn't leave us alone in these enormous life-changing times and I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude and awe at this amazing miracle that is life. It's one of the most normal, natural, widespread phenomenons ever and yet totally and completely miraculous each and every time...

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