Disclaimer: I know I'm touching on a controversial issue here but I feel really compelled to clear up some misunderstandings about undocumented immigration and immigrants in the United States and to give an alternative perspective to a heated issue. I really hope if you disagree, you will tell me. I would love to know what people's concerns about immigration are, so I can educate myself more and get closer to the truth. In the meantime, this is the way I see and understand things. I hope if nothing else, it helps you think about this differently than you did before.
Myth #1: Undocumented immigrants live off of welfare and handouts from the government.
First of all, this is essentially impossible, since anyone without a valid social security number doesn't qualify for welfare or for most government - funded social programs. The way some people qualify is by having citizen children- the benefits are in the name of the children whose parents have limited income, not the parents who are undocumented, but being born in the US is what made most of us citizens- questioning the validity of that would beg the question of citizenship for many others. Furthermore, many if not most undocumented immigrants pay taxes- the government provides people who don't have social security numbers with a special number just so they can pay taxes. Whether or not they pay taxes formally each year, most have federal and state income tax taken out of their paychecks just like everyone else on payroll. They pay taxes and then cannot reap the benefits of their tax money in many regards.
However, regardless of taxes and immigrant contributions, from a moral perspective, aren't we called to give to the needy whoever they may be? If someone was here undocumented in the United States and couldn't pay for food or afford a hospital bill, would God have us turn them away because they aren't a citizen? I know it's hard to think of our hard earned money going to someone else and it's tempting to justify reasons it shouldn't and we should be able to keep it- trust me, I get angry about how much taxes the government takes out too, but if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that what I have is not mine- it is more a result of blessings God has given me than anything I have "earned" or "deserve" I look at many people who risked their lives to be here, who work long hours for little pay, who have to overcome language barriers, stereotypes, and cultural differences to get ahead and I wonder if I can really even pretend I am more deserving than them of being here, working where I do, making what I do. I am so blessed- whether I share through charity or through my tax dollars, I think sharing is what God would ask of me. God probably would ask me to put others first when my needs are not met, let alone when they are.
Myth #2: Undocumented immigrants are terrorists and drug lords.
Undoubtedly some terrorists and drug lords come to the US illegally. Then again, some terrorists and drug lords are born in the US. Usually, there are deeper issues that influence people into these lifestyles- situations of desperation and fear. Perhaps we would be wiser to address issues like poverty and insecurity at their roots rather than increasing border patrol. Furthermore, most druglords have a tendency to stay in Mexico since they are more likely to be able to get out of jail if caught there than in the US. Very few of them supposedly ever come to the US. However, wherever they are is somewhat irrelevant to me in some aspects.
I have grown up with a strong faith in God, His people and the Church. But what I always learned was that God is God of the whole world, not just one country. I would think God would be just as sad to see a gang member, a terrorist or a drug lord be "kept" in Mexico as He would be to see them come into the US. It's not where they are- it's the fact that they exist that is the problem. It's strange to me to see people who talk about being pro life or Christian to justify national security efforts in the form of immigration raids and mass deportation as us "protecting" ourselves. Protecting ourselves from who? From people who long for work? Not even for dignified work in many cases- just work to meet their basic needs, pay their bills, support their families back home... I don't think terrorists and drug lords are hanging out working 10 hour days at meat packing plants and in the orchards of California. On the other hand, countless families are separated by these raids and mass deportations. Children separated from their parents, from their siblings. Don't we have a responsibility to think about them? Are people not people anymore just because they cross the border illegally?
Myth #3- If it's illegal, it's indisputably wrong.
I think all of us could think of at least one law we dont agree with- big or small- the drinking age, a speed limit, abortion, homosexual marriage, cigarettes, alcohol, you name it- there are numerous examples of times that human made laws have been morally unsound. I realize that a nation has a right to protect itself, (though I personally believe that "protection" is more effective by nurturing healthy relationships than developing nuclear weapons), but regardless, I think with the issue of immigration, we have to really examine what we are looking to protect and who we are looking to protect it from.
I can see God understanding "self defense" I can't see Him understanding our trying to protect our economy from immigrant workers because we think there won't be enough jobs for everyone (what about the loaves and the fishes), our neighborhoods from people with a different culture because we may lose life as we know it (how many times did Jesus reach out across cultures and borders and challenge us to change), or our precious tax dollars from immigrants or "the poor" because we are trying to save up for a vacation to Hawaii (there are more examples than I can count of Jesus warning us about the danger of valuing money too highly).
I write this just as much to me as to you. It is easier to protect what I view as mine- my job, my culture, my money, than to be vulnerable to what God may call me to do with these things. I want to be safe as much as anyone and would be tempted to shut out 200,000 good people to keep 1 misguided person away. But my mother told me never to do anything out of fear. And honestly, supporting immigration raids, random document checks, increased border patrol, etc. to stop or limit undocumented immigration would be a choice made out of fear, rather than out of love for the real, needy, beautiful people that come to this country to make a life.
If you're honest with yourself, why do you support the policies you support? How would God call you to look at the issue of immigration, especially undocumented immigration? How would Jesus treat the people if there were undocumented immigrants coming into His country? Did He ever act out of a fear or concern to protect Himself? Do we really have the courage to follow His example?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Some perspective
As an update to my last post, I feel so fortunate to have such wise, wonderful people in my life. Some reminders from today:
Work is work- it's a part of life but hopefully not everything. I am so fortunate as to have a very meaningful and fulfilling family life outside of work, so when I go back, regardless of what the situation is, hopefully I can leave work at work and make family the priority it should be.
Just because things happen a certain way doesn't it's fair or just or right. It just is. People get "let go" for bad reasons and sometimes people who probably shouldn't, get promoted. There are much bigger injustices in this world that people overcome and even forgive.
I can use what makes me angry to check myself. When I see a lack of positive feedback, I can check to make sure I'm giving positive feedback to those I supervise or work with. When I encounter unethical situations, I can question whether I am behaving as ethically as possible. When I'm angry at others' self interest, I can look at my own behavior and make sure it is not selfish. I can take what I don't like as a challenge to make myself better. Ultimately, if not immediately, this will make me a better, more admirable and lovable person and I'd rather lead like that than out of threats or power struggles.
My prayer for today for someone I love, "Lord, since this door has closed today, thank you. Thank you for closing this door and thank you in advance for the one you're about to open. I love you and trust you."
Work is work- it's a part of life but hopefully not everything. I am so fortunate as to have a very meaningful and fulfilling family life outside of work, so when I go back, regardless of what the situation is, hopefully I can leave work at work and make family the priority it should be.
Just because things happen a certain way doesn't it's fair or just or right. It just is. People get "let go" for bad reasons and sometimes people who probably shouldn't, get promoted. There are much bigger injustices in this world that people overcome and even forgive.
I can use what makes me angry to check myself. When I see a lack of positive feedback, I can check to make sure I'm giving positive feedback to those I supervise or work with. When I encounter unethical situations, I can question whether I am behaving as ethically as possible. When I'm angry at others' self interest, I can look at my own behavior and make sure it is not selfish. I can take what I don't like as a challenge to make myself better. Ultimately, if not immediately, this will make me a better, more admirable and lovable person and I'd rather lead like that than out of threats or power struggles.
My prayer for today for someone I love, "Lord, since this door has closed today, thank you. Thank you for closing this door and thank you in advance for the one you're about to open. I love you and trust you."
Lessons
I just have to get this off my chest so I feel better. I got a call today from a coworker telling me my supervisor has been promoted. On the way home from teaching this morning, I was just thinking about how I could effectively communicate to the administration what a manipulative, unethical and poor manager she is.
This is a hard place for me. I hate that I feel almost obsessively angry at her and wish with my whole being that she would retire or be let go or just stop working. It sounds awful on my part to dislike someone so much and yet, every day that goes by and the more things she does and says make me angrier and angrier.
One of the biggest things that bothers me about working for her is that she is manipulative. She will tell me to start a project like a bridge program for international students. I will present my idea. She will change it and distort it to make it something completely different that I don't agree with or understand. Then, if it works, she will take credit and if it doesn't, she will blame me.
She is also so selfish. She builds a gigantic office for herself and crams the rest of her staff into little cubicles. She wouln't even let them decorate their cubicles the way they wanted. She had to approve all the decorations for everybody.
And she is hypocritical. She says she is not a micromanager (and she is). She says she wants to advocate for us (and she doesn't). She says she wants more sustainable international relationships and yet she doesn't give any of her staff the opportunity to meet our partners and she continues to create relationships that we only find out about after the fact so she's the only one who knows anything about them. She says she values professional development but she won't support a staff retreat which the director and I have been trying to have for several years. When I held a faculty retreat she scheduled another meeting during that time so she couldn't go. Since we are never allowed to go to professional conferences, we decided to do workshops amongst ourselves for professional development and she not only scheduled things for herself during the times of the workshops, she scheduled things for other staff members, so we had to cancel and reschedule several times. She won't write anything down because she doesn't want to be held accountable for it later. She wouldn't even let me write things down when I had meetings with her, saying I should be able to remember it.
Another thing I hate doesn't have to do with her really but rather the structure of the university. There is absolutely no accountability. There is no questioning, no second guessing, no "other" opinion about how things will go. It is her way or the highway. She can take 5 trips to China for no reason and then say we have no money for professional development. She can expect her staff to work 60-70 hour weeks during the summer for $30,000 a year because we are "exempt" She can say that I did not meet minimum expectations for my job because I did not do "enough" activites with international students, even though she never talked to me about it before, I have 20 other things under my job description to accomplish, and I did do activities with them, just not what she would consider "enough" She can continue to have sketchy, seemingly unethical relationships with powerhouse women in China and nobody blinks an eye. She can fire people at will who question her practices or her authority (multiple examples). She can move the entire office to a new location even though everyone who works for her was against it and the adminisration never bothered to talk to us about our concerns. And she can get promoted in spite of the fact her entire staff has quit under her about 5 times in the last 10 years and her entire current staff and faculty has gone to talk to HR about her problematic management style.
I know it doesn't really compare but it is disturbingly similar to how I imagine a totalitarian government would be. We are voiceless and vulnerable. And we have all been searching for, applying for and interviewing for other jobs for years but none of us can seem to get out. We are trapped.
The people that have worked with her for a couple months think she is either crazy or stupid and the people that have worked with her the longest (25 + years) think she is abusive and manipulative.
The only ones who seem to have a high opinion of her are her superiors- I guess she knows who and how to impress.
I am just so frustrated that a Catholic, Benedictine university would allow this to continue... I am so frustrated being on the "little people" side of things and vow to myself that if God ever grants me the privilege of being a "higher up" in my career, I will never forget to talk to the "little people"- the people involved in the day to day tasks and affected so profoundly by the decisions of the "higher-ups"
The part of me obsessed with some kind of "fairness" and "justice" just wants to scream and can't stop thinking about some way to overthrow this regime for the good of the wonderful people who work there.
But another part of me wonders if God has given me this challenge to learn a profound lesson in humility and forgiveness. Do I just let it go? If she wants to put my name on stupid programs and blame me for everything that goes wrong, should I just let her and thank God for my cross? Can I be that humble?
Or is this an opportunity to fight "wrong" and fight on behalf of the students for more ethical, consistent programming that does not exploit and fair treatment of staff and respect in the workplace?
Again, the serenity prayer comes to mind: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh, how I need that wisdom now, dear Lord. What are you calling me to do? What is the right thing? Where do you need me?
This is a hard place for me. I hate that I feel almost obsessively angry at her and wish with my whole being that she would retire or be let go or just stop working. It sounds awful on my part to dislike someone so much and yet, every day that goes by and the more things she does and says make me angrier and angrier.
One of the biggest things that bothers me about working for her is that she is manipulative. She will tell me to start a project like a bridge program for international students. I will present my idea. She will change it and distort it to make it something completely different that I don't agree with or understand. Then, if it works, she will take credit and if it doesn't, she will blame me.
She is also so selfish. She builds a gigantic office for herself and crams the rest of her staff into little cubicles. She wouln't even let them decorate their cubicles the way they wanted. She had to approve all the decorations for everybody.
And she is hypocritical. She says she is not a micromanager (and she is). She says she wants to advocate for us (and she doesn't). She says she wants more sustainable international relationships and yet she doesn't give any of her staff the opportunity to meet our partners and she continues to create relationships that we only find out about after the fact so she's the only one who knows anything about them. She says she values professional development but she won't support a staff retreat which the director and I have been trying to have for several years. When I held a faculty retreat she scheduled another meeting during that time so she couldn't go. Since we are never allowed to go to professional conferences, we decided to do workshops amongst ourselves for professional development and she not only scheduled things for herself during the times of the workshops, she scheduled things for other staff members, so we had to cancel and reschedule several times. She won't write anything down because she doesn't want to be held accountable for it later. She wouldn't even let me write things down when I had meetings with her, saying I should be able to remember it.
Another thing I hate doesn't have to do with her really but rather the structure of the university. There is absolutely no accountability. There is no questioning, no second guessing, no "other" opinion about how things will go. It is her way or the highway. She can take 5 trips to China for no reason and then say we have no money for professional development. She can expect her staff to work 60-70 hour weeks during the summer for $30,000 a year because we are "exempt" She can say that I did not meet minimum expectations for my job because I did not do "enough" activites with international students, even though she never talked to me about it before, I have 20 other things under my job description to accomplish, and I did do activities with them, just not what she would consider "enough" She can continue to have sketchy, seemingly unethical relationships with powerhouse women in China and nobody blinks an eye. She can fire people at will who question her practices or her authority (multiple examples). She can move the entire office to a new location even though everyone who works for her was against it and the adminisration never bothered to talk to us about our concerns. And she can get promoted in spite of the fact her entire staff has quit under her about 5 times in the last 10 years and her entire current staff and faculty has gone to talk to HR about her problematic management style.
I know it doesn't really compare but it is disturbingly similar to how I imagine a totalitarian government would be. We are voiceless and vulnerable. And we have all been searching for, applying for and interviewing for other jobs for years but none of us can seem to get out. We are trapped.
The people that have worked with her for a couple months think she is either crazy or stupid and the people that have worked with her the longest (25 + years) think she is abusive and manipulative.
The only ones who seem to have a high opinion of her are her superiors- I guess she knows who and how to impress.
I am just so frustrated that a Catholic, Benedictine university would allow this to continue... I am so frustrated being on the "little people" side of things and vow to myself that if God ever grants me the privilege of being a "higher up" in my career, I will never forget to talk to the "little people"- the people involved in the day to day tasks and affected so profoundly by the decisions of the "higher-ups"
The part of me obsessed with some kind of "fairness" and "justice" just wants to scream and can't stop thinking about some way to overthrow this regime for the good of the wonderful people who work there.
But another part of me wonders if God has given me this challenge to learn a profound lesson in humility and forgiveness. Do I just let it go? If she wants to put my name on stupid programs and blame me for everything that goes wrong, should I just let her and thank God for my cross? Can I be that humble?
Or is this an opportunity to fight "wrong" and fight on behalf of the students for more ethical, consistent programming that does not exploit and fair treatment of staff and respect in the workplace?
Again, the serenity prayer comes to mind: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh, how I need that wisdom now, dear Lord. What are you calling me to do? What is the right thing? Where do you need me?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Two months
Ok, so we're a little beyond two months now, but close enough. I give myself permission to be late with everything Dani related, since she took her time coming out. ; )
So, Danali completed two months in the "outside" world on July 18th, also her father's 28th birthday! We had a "little" get together here at the house on Saturday night, which means only 15 people instead of the 50 Juan Carlos probably would have liked to invite.
Then, on Sunday, we went out to dinner with a bunch of family again and then off to Lakefair!! I hadn't been in several years and it was crazy busy but also kind of fun. Juan Carlos and I even went on a couple rides together, which we had never done before.
Highlights from this past month as a new mother include:
Seeing baby Dani smile when she sees us or when we talk to her. She's always smiled in her sleep, but now it feels a bit more sincere.
Less fussing! She was really fussy from about 3-6 weeks I would say but lately, it has gotten WAY better- maybe has to do with "fourth trimester" swaddling, shushing techniques and maybe just a coincidence, but we are loving having a happier little baby.
More sleep! Dani has gone from 2-3 hour stretches to 3-4 hour stretches and last night she slept from 9:30pm until 4:00am!! So exciting!!! I can't believe how rested I feel today.
For me, I have gained much more confidence as a mother- I have had my bad days where I have momentarily left Dani in the car and had to run back for her, but overall, I think I'm getting used to this whole "mom" thing, at least until she changes it on me again.
Life is good and I'm just taking it in until I have to go back to work in two weeks from today. Please keep me in your prayers that something will work out for me to be with Dani as much as possible and still keep a steady income and benefits for our family. I'm not asking to be rich- just enough for stability.
So, Danali completed two months in the "outside" world on July 18th, also her father's 28th birthday! We had a "little" get together here at the house on Saturday night, which means only 15 people instead of the 50 Juan Carlos probably would have liked to invite.
Then, on Sunday, we went out to dinner with a bunch of family again and then off to Lakefair!! I hadn't been in several years and it was crazy busy but also kind of fun. Juan Carlos and I even went on a couple rides together, which we had never done before.
Highlights from this past month as a new mother include:
Seeing baby Dani smile when she sees us or when we talk to her. She's always smiled in her sleep, but now it feels a bit more sincere.
Less fussing! She was really fussy from about 3-6 weeks I would say but lately, it has gotten WAY better- maybe has to do with "fourth trimester" swaddling, shushing techniques and maybe just a coincidence, but we are loving having a happier little baby.
More sleep! Dani has gone from 2-3 hour stretches to 3-4 hour stretches and last night she slept from 9:30pm until 4:00am!! So exciting!!! I can't believe how rested I feel today.
For me, I have gained much more confidence as a mother- I have had my bad days where I have momentarily left Dani in the car and had to run back for her, but overall, I think I'm getting used to this whole "mom" thing, at least until she changes it on me again.
Life is good and I'm just taking it in until I have to go back to work in two weeks from today. Please keep me in your prayers that something will work out for me to be with Dani as much as possible and still keep a steady income and benefits for our family. I'm not asking to be rich- just enough for stability.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Being a mother
Kind of a strange follow - up topic to the last, but I got a P.S. (Parent Support) Newsletter in the mail today and it's gotten me thinking...
A lot of people believe that God sends us children just as much to change us as for us to raise them. I think that's especially true with my first daughter, Angelica Grace. It seems easier at times to just focus on the child we have with us, less awkward to just ignore the fact that we lost her older sister that dreadful October of 2008. Well-meaning people talk about our "first" mother's day and father's day while we remember in our hearts it's not our first at all.
Well-meaning relatives talk about Danali being the first great grand-daughter, while we quietly remember her older sister. I think that's what hurts the most- that a baby nobody met can be so easily forgotten. But not for me... I read a poem in the newsletter today that I just wanted to share, as it touched me.
What makes a mother
-Author Unknown
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a mother?" And I know I heard Him say.
"A mother has a baby" This we know is true. "But God, can you be a mother if your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied with confidence in his voice. "I give many women babies. When they go is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime and others for the day. And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this, God. I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.
" I wish that I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child's smile, with all the other children and hear her say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly. My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her every day. When she goes to sleep at night, on her pillow's where I lay.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay. Your babies are born in My home and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, until your lesson's through. And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother. It's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother until their time is done. They'll be up here with me one day and know you're the best one!"
Angelica has taught me to truly take things in life moment by moment. I can't help but worry I might not have Dani as long as I would like. Sometimes it terrifies me. When I haven't heard her in a while, I hurry to check on her- Sometimes I touch her just to make sure she's still breathing. I try not to torture myself too much with worry, but I do ask myself every day- if this were my last day with her, am I satisfied that I spent as much time as I could with her, that I did everything I could to show her she was loved, that I gave as much as I possibly could to her in the time she was with me?
I am excited to tell Dani about her older sister - the angel who takes care of us from heaven, who intercedes on our behalf, who prayed for us to be able to have another child...
There is so much "letting go" to be done in becoming a parent. "Letting go" of sleep, of schedules, of predictability, but also "letting go" of the security that what you love most will always be with you. Angelica was not ours to keep. She was ours to care for and I remember this with our beautiful baby Dani too. She is only entrusted to us- we are given the great privilege of caring for her, kissing her, changing her, and loving her all the days of her life, nomatter how many they may be... she has been cherished from the womb and I pray we will never take her for granted.
A special thanks to all those who recognize parents as the parents they are, wherever their children might be. Your support means so much...
A lot of people believe that God sends us children just as much to change us as for us to raise them. I think that's especially true with my first daughter, Angelica Grace. It seems easier at times to just focus on the child we have with us, less awkward to just ignore the fact that we lost her older sister that dreadful October of 2008. Well-meaning people talk about our "first" mother's day and father's day while we remember in our hearts it's not our first at all.
Well-meaning relatives talk about Danali being the first great grand-daughter, while we quietly remember her older sister. I think that's what hurts the most- that a baby nobody met can be so easily forgotten. But not for me... I read a poem in the newsletter today that I just wanted to share, as it touched me.
What makes a mother
-Author Unknown
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a mother?" And I know I heard Him say.
"A mother has a baby" This we know is true. "But God, can you be a mother if your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied with confidence in his voice. "I give many women babies. When they go is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime and others for the day. And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this, God. I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.
" I wish that I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child's smile, with all the other children and hear her say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly. My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her every day. When she goes to sleep at night, on her pillow's where I lay.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay. Your babies are born in My home and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, until your lesson's through. And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother. It's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother until their time is done. They'll be up here with me one day and know you're the best one!"
Angelica has taught me to truly take things in life moment by moment. I can't help but worry I might not have Dani as long as I would like. Sometimes it terrifies me. When I haven't heard her in a while, I hurry to check on her- Sometimes I touch her just to make sure she's still breathing. I try not to torture myself too much with worry, but I do ask myself every day- if this were my last day with her, am I satisfied that I spent as much time as I could with her, that I did everything I could to show her she was loved, that I gave as much as I possibly could to her in the time she was with me?
I am excited to tell Dani about her older sister - the angel who takes care of us from heaven, who intercedes on our behalf, who prayed for us to be able to have another child...
There is so much "letting go" to be done in becoming a parent. "Letting go" of sleep, of schedules, of predictability, but also "letting go" of the security that what you love most will always be with you. Angelica was not ours to keep. She was ours to care for and I remember this with our beautiful baby Dani too. She is only entrusted to us- we are given the great privilege of caring for her, kissing her, changing her, and loving her all the days of her life, nomatter how many they may be... she has been cherished from the womb and I pray we will never take her for granted.
A special thanks to all those who recognize parents as the parents they are, wherever their children might be. Your support means so much...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Loving life...
I know I should always be grateful, even for the hard stuff, but lately, it has been exceptionally easy to be grateful and I just wanted to record this "high" time of my life. I have absolutely LOVED being on maternity leave. It has been such an incredible blessing to have this special time with our precious daughter and only the most minimal stress and things to worry about. The first couple weeks were quite a haze- we enjoyed visitors coming to meet Danali when she was "brand new" and tried to learn how to change diapers, give baths, and comfort her.
Weeks 3-6 were marked by a bit of fussiness on Dani's part but also a lot of lazy mornings sleeping in together and catching up with friends over the lunch hour. We ventured out shopping a couple times and over to a friend's house for some play dates. We worried about Dani having colic and took her in at 4 weeks, we dealt with a first diaper rash and tried some techniques from "happiest baby on the block" to get her to stop fussing. We showered her with "besos" and lots of love. By 4 weeks, she was 10 lbs 1 oz.
Her 6th week, I went back to teaching part time in the mornings as a sub for another teacher. I've only been doing a couple hours a day- the schedule has been totally ideal. It was a hard decision to start working again so soon, but the money is good for the time I have to put in and I thought it would probably help me start transitioning back into having a schedule and obligations outside the home. Juan Carlos hasn't been working so he has been having special quality time with Dani in the mornings while I'm at work. I think it's been good for them and good for me too.
In spite of getting little sleep (I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row in almost two months) and having wavering emotions in becoming a new parent, I am the happiest I can ever remember being in my life. Dani and I are finally kind of getting into a rhythm where I feel like I can understand her more and predict what she'll need- a nap, a meal, some play time, etc. She's starting to smile at us, which is so rewarding and I still get to spend the vast majority of my day with her (and recently with Juan Carlos too). The great weather this past week just makes me crave barbeques and milkshakes and makes me all the happier.
The only sad part is that I am now starting to think about going back to work and in recent conversations with coworkers, it sounds like it's worse than ever. I am dreading being given projects that are already falling apart on my return and being blamed if I can't turn them around. I dread being heavily criticized all the time and feeling so bad about myself again.
However, I am hopeful about a solution for work this next year, which would be so wonderful if it works out. Please keep me in your prayers that God will help things fall into place for me to have a more rewarding, less stressful work experience and provide the opportunity for me to spend a little more time at home with Dani. I know there will be hard times to come but I'm really trying to take in this "up" time and hoping the sun will stay out for awhile more...
Weeks 3-6 were marked by a bit of fussiness on Dani's part but also a lot of lazy mornings sleeping in together and catching up with friends over the lunch hour. We ventured out shopping a couple times and over to a friend's house for some play dates. We worried about Dani having colic and took her in at 4 weeks, we dealt with a first diaper rash and tried some techniques from "happiest baby on the block" to get her to stop fussing. We showered her with "besos" and lots of love. By 4 weeks, she was 10 lbs 1 oz.
Her 6th week, I went back to teaching part time in the mornings as a sub for another teacher. I've only been doing a couple hours a day- the schedule has been totally ideal. It was a hard decision to start working again so soon, but the money is good for the time I have to put in and I thought it would probably help me start transitioning back into having a schedule and obligations outside the home. Juan Carlos hasn't been working so he has been having special quality time with Dani in the mornings while I'm at work. I think it's been good for them and good for me too.
In spite of getting little sleep (I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row in almost two months) and having wavering emotions in becoming a new parent, I am the happiest I can ever remember being in my life. Dani and I are finally kind of getting into a rhythm where I feel like I can understand her more and predict what she'll need- a nap, a meal, some play time, etc. She's starting to smile at us, which is so rewarding and I still get to spend the vast majority of my day with her (and recently with Juan Carlos too). The great weather this past week just makes me crave barbeques and milkshakes and makes me all the happier.
The only sad part is that I am now starting to think about going back to work and in recent conversations with coworkers, it sounds like it's worse than ever. I am dreading being given projects that are already falling apart on my return and being blamed if I can't turn them around. I dread being heavily criticized all the time and feeling so bad about myself again.
However, I am hopeful about a solution for work this next year, which would be so wonderful if it works out. Please keep me in your prayers that God will help things fall into place for me to have a more rewarding, less stressful work experience and provide the opportunity for me to spend a little more time at home with Dani. I know there will be hard times to come but I'm really trying to take in this "up" time and hoping the sun will stay out for awhile more...
Friday, July 2, 2010
Not for long...
I used to be embarrassed to admit it, but cat's out of the bag- I REALLY love some country songs... mostly because some of them just do such a good job reflecting every day life or helping you to appreciate the simple moments of life and growing up. Today, this one really got me. It's much better with the music, so if you haven't heard it, you can listen to it on youtube. It's called "It won't be like this for long" by Darius Rucker.
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long
Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
It won’t be like this for long
It won’t be like this for long
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long
Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
It won’t be like this for long
It won’t be like this for long
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)