Evaluations & The Truth

Today was devastating for me. I have spent the past year at Saint Martin's University pouring my heart into my work managing the ESL program there. I have taken over ESL admissions and essentially started from scratch creating a checklist and admissions policies and systems. I have rewritten the course numbers and titles for the entire curriculum to correspond more closely to our sister schools' requirements for transferring credit back. I have revised the ESL program's section in the academic catalog, I have started doing instructor/class observations and evaluations, I have collaborated with faculty on a variety of student advising decisions, I have spent months and months trying to implement a TOEFL score requirement for a group of students transferring from Pudong Business School at Shanghai Maritime University because of a variety of issues I walked into when I started including:

1) Extensive problems with cheating and academic dishonesty
2) Emotional problems (students cutting off contact with parents, contemplating suicide, etc.)
3) Faculty feeling overwhelmed with English proficiency issues in the classroom
4) Students overwhelming the learning and writing center with English proficiency issues (can't keep up with reading, organize an essay, etc.)

Yet, today my supervisor, after admitting that she did not even realize I reported to her until the director of the office pointed it out to her last week, gave me a very brief and critical written evaluation, stating that I did not know the "boundary of my authority" and even though I was in charge of the ESL Program "does not mean I don't need to consult senior management on major decisions." She said I should learn to "focus on the issues and not allow them to become a personality conflict"

First of all, I cannot recall any "major decisions" I have made without consulting "senior management" The decision to use the TOEFL as an assessment tool and put students into ESL until they got a "passing score" was a decision made by our office in consult with a variety of departments on campus. It was a collaborative decision overturned by one or two people in consult with no one else as I remember.

Second of all, I do not recall having any "personality conflicts" as she puts it. I also don't remember ever losing sight of the issue. I was upset that our decision was overturned, primarily because I do not believe it is in the best interest of the students, but I never confronted anyone about it or challenged the decision, much less ended up in a "personality conflict".

Not only did her comments seem unjustified and even largely untrue, but she also failed to acknowledge any of my positive contributions and strengths. All of her feedback for me was focused around the fact that I struggled to accept the decision of a few to not require the need for a particular TOEFL score as an admissions requirement and that I did not defer to authority in the way she would like.

My dad said there are two ways to take this:

1) I'm a passionate new administrator with lots of ideas about how to improve things but I'm running into a lot of roadblocks at the institution OR

2) I'm kind of a loose cannon that does whatever I want and I'm just trying to push my own agenda

My perspective is certainly the first. I do not want someone to shower me with false compliments and tell lies, but I also think honest should be honest- the honest good with the honest bad- an acknowledgement of what is done well along with what is not and specific examples of times my work did not meet the expectations.

So the lesson of the day: Others do not always see things the way you do. Others may not recognize your strengths and contributions and sometimes you just have to believe in yourself. You have to know you're doing the logical thing, the ethical thing, the right thing, in spite of others who would have you believe you're crazy.

I guess if my main fault is fighting too hard, believing too much in the possibilities and the potential, than I'll take that- even if I'm seen as being ignorant to the "boundary of my authority" or creating "personality clashes." I know the truth and God knows the truth. I guess that will have to be enough for now...