Two steps forward, one step back

Making "progress" through grief is a strange thing. It's not measurable in the same way as watching your savings account grow or counting the inches you've grown in a year. I find myself thinking about it often in terms of 2 steps forward and one step back. Some days I find myself in a state of acceptance or even hope and other days I feel resentful, angry and sad all over again. Recently, I've had some of those hard days, but thankfully, I've had some good support around me to make it easier. Namely, a friend from when I was at school at Western, has sent me a couple links to some blogs of people who have recently lost children of their own. One blog in particular carries insights that I could never put into words as eloquently as this woman does. Her perspective has helped me to see my own suffering differently and she reflects a lot of thoughts I've had but haven't been able to express, at least not this well. I hope that someday I will be in a place where I will have gained some perspective on my own suffering and possibly even have allowed this difficult time to transform my life for the better.

At a support group I've gone to a couple times, a father said that his children, on earth and in heaven have all changed his life in some way. If Angelica, in her short life, can teach me something about mine and change me for the better, I think God's purpose for her will have been fulfilled in some small way. I think taking someone else to heaven with us is certainly a life-worthy goal.

The mother in the blog talks about how others' love for their children or really for life in general can make the burden of those suffering a loss feel a bit lighter. So, my request of you today is to hug your loved ones a little tighter, have a little more patience, a little more compassion- hold your tongue when you want to complain and think of what you're thankful for instead. Affirm life in the name of Angelica and all the baby saints that were with us for too short a time. We are fortunate to be blessed with those with us- those who have gone before us can remind us of how precious and valuable life really is and how it is something not to be taken for granted.

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