April 1st

First of all, today, April 1st, is my father's birthday!! So, Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Dad-
I'm so glad you're my father. From soccer practice to workplace politics, you have always been an incredible coach and mentor. You have always supported and encouraged me, but you've also been willing to tell me the truth, give me new perspective and tell me when I'm wrong. You have seen me through everything- my great joys and accomplishments and also my greatest challenges. Thank you for making time for my sisters and I- to play with us, listen to us, laugh with us. Thank you for working so hard to not only support us and provide for us, but to become the confident, faith-filled, compassionate man that you are today. I can see your contentment with life comes from recognizing your blessings and being thankful for the "small stuff". I admire you and I love you more than you can imagine!

Second of all, today was the due date for my little girl, Angelica. So amidst celebrating another year of life for my father, who I love so much, I also mourn our loss and remember the very short life of our small daughter.

Dear Angelica-

Much of me wishes that today I could be celebrating your birth instead of sitting here, on just another normal Wednesday, broken hearted that your daddy and I never got to know you "face to face." But I want you to know that we loved you so much. From the day we found out about you, we were so excited and joyful. Your father often says it was the happiest time he remembers in our whole relationship. Your life gave us purpose and meaning and a reason to be better. I felt strong when I knew you lived inside me, like I was never alone. I could be stronger for you than I could be for myself.

They say babies can't hear through the womb until they're older than you were, but your daddy and I still talked to you and sang to you every night. We guessed about whether you would be a boy or a girl (your "nana" Peggy always knew you were a girl!) We talked about what to name you. I made a plan for staying home with you after you were born. We even planned to baptize you with your cousins this summer...

Your dad's cousin, Jaime, would never let anyone forget about you, even in the womb. If someone called to ask who was with us, we would say "Oh, Jaime, Juan Carlos and Amalia" and Jaime would say, "And the baby! Don't forget about the baby!" We were all so excited to meet you...but I guess God needed you more in heaven, with Him, right now, so we'll just have to wait awhile longer.

Your dad and I would really like to have more children if God blesses us with them someday, but I want you to know that even if we do, we'll never forget about you or love you any less. You will always be our first, perfect, little baby girl, and even though you're not with us, I hope that you will still pray for us and our family up in heaven.

Your aunt Kelly will be there to take care of you. She always wanted a baby too... and your great grandpa Ben will be there to play with you, just like he was always here to play with us when your aunts and I were little. Of course, you also have your grandpa Evaristo Garcia who can tell you all kinds of stories about Mexico and your dad's side of the family. They are much crazier than your mom's side of the family. ; )

Even though I'm so sad you're not with us today, I am so happy that you lived and that you're now in heaven, with your true father and your creator. He is the most perfect parent you could ever have, much moreso than we could ever hope to be. Please pray for us as we struggle to accept that you're not in our lives the way we hoped you would be and please remember how much you were and are and always will be loved.

Love,

Your Mom