I seem to constantly be in a place where my dreams or hopes or desires for myself or my life don't seem to match the reality... Recently has been no exception. I don't know if it's an extra "nesting" tendency because of being pregnant or just where I'm at right now, but it's really been getting to me that Christmas preparations haven't gone as planned (no tree, no table runner, no lights outside ultimately... you would hardly know it's Christmas at my house) nor has our living situation in our new home.
If things were my preference, I would want our home to be a peaceful, quiet, clean place for Juan Carlos and I to come home to every night, with candles and a beautiful Christmas tree to sit by. We could watch TV or talk to our heart's desire with no interruptions. The messes that exist would be ours and I would feel happy to invite anyone over anytime with relative certainty that the house was in fine condition.
However, in August of last year, a cousin of Juan Carlos's (who had been out of work for half the year) found himself without anywhere to stay. Juan Carlos, with his big heart, said he could stay with us for awhile.... well, awhile has now turned into 5 months. Meanwhile, Juan Carlos's brother and his wife had some problems and separated so Juan Carlos's brother has been staying with us for the past couple months as well in the "would -be baby" room. Our 3 bedroom house is now totally full.
I have come home to find that Juan Carlos's brother (with the best of intentions) bleached our new carpet (for which I have found no reasonable remedy) when trying to get out a stain. I've come home to all the sandwich meat being gone or all the milk being out and needing to run to the store to get more. I've come home to all "the guys" huddled around the computer watching boxing or hunting or rodeos or looking for cars, to people in my living room at 11:30 at night drinking that I didn't invite over, to the TV being on constantly, to no room for me on the couch- all when all I want is a peaceful evening (or several) with my husband.
Yet, I feel bad even complaining because clearly, these people are going through difficult times right now, being out of work, dealing with tough relationships, etc. My small sacrifices really are small in comparison to what many go through and so, I've decided to do my very best for the next few days, in preparation for Christmas, to stop myself when I get angry or annoyed and to give up "the way I want things" as a kind of gift, a way to thank God for all I have and that I even have a home and rooms and food to share with people that need it. That, in and of itself, is a privilege and I have to remember that...
May all of you find peace in whatever situations you find yourselves in this Christmas season and may we all find a way to focus on the truly important things- beyond stained carpets and extra trips to the store, the ways that we can love each other... as God loves us.
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