Things on my mind

I'm not sure how to put my mind right now into a coherent post but I just wanted to record some of the things I'm thinking about right now. This is such a cherished time for us and I want to be able to look back and see God's providence in all that He brings us through.

Back to mass

As I was starting my new married life, I made an effort to go regularly to mass, but started to realize that I was doing it more out of habit and a feeling of obligation than true desire. I decided to take a break until I felt like I really missed it. I've gone on and off here and there, but this Advent season, I felt an especially strong pull to go back to mass. I went on Sunday and it was really wonderful. Somehow, it didn't seem full of the judgement that was there for me before and rather just full of warm people living real lives seeking inspiration and fulfillment. It was refreshing and gave me such a sense of peace and hope for this new year.

Advent

I'm trying to be much more intentional about advent and looking forward to Christmas this year. In the past, it has always kind of snuck up on me, but I want to start establishing traditions that will make Christmas really meaningful for our family.

We put lights up on our new house this year (well, technically, Juan Carlos and his brother put them up and I directed ; ) but they are beautiful and I'm excited about it!!

Juan Carlos and I are planning to get a Christmas tree soon and decorating it together. I also got an advent wreath to light each Sunday and to take a little time to pray together.

Slowly but surely, I think we'll do more and more.

Pregnancy, Maternity Leave, Work, and Childcare

As pregnancy has gone along and we've had some "successful" appointments with good news, my confidence and peace about this has been growing. I continue to pray for the health of our little one, but feel myself going from more fearful to more joyful day by day.

I am really looking forward to feeling the baby move more consistently. I think I may have felt the baby a couple times, but I'm so excited to feel him or her moving around all the time...

I had to tell my boss earlier than I was hoping (a couple days before Thanksgiving) because according to my coworkers, it was already pretty obvious. She didn't react much- just said that was great and asked when the baby was due. I guess that's a good thing. I'll probably talk to her in more detail about maternity leave, etc. as we get closer.

When I was young, my mom always worked, but always only when we were in school or something, so it really felt like she was a stay at home mom since she was always there for us at home. I loved that and always imagined myself also being a stay at home mom and being really fulfilled with that. But, like with so many things, plans change, life happens, and I fell in love with an incredible man, who unfortunately, does not have the same opportunity to bring in the income that I can. I knew that going into marriage and I have no regrets but now, thinking about our new child coming and expenses and childcare and my desire to be home as much as possible, I feel like my head is just full of thoughts and ideas and concerns all the time.

Normal daycare would not be affordable nor really desirable for us. Primarily because of the affordability factor, we have to look at other options. Juan Carlos's mom is nearby and stays home during the day, so I think we both always had her in mind for helping us with the baby. But, we know she is tired and it's not fair for us to EXPECT her to take care of the baby 8 hours a day while we're working, so I've also been feeling the need to come up with a "backup" plan or even a plan for days that she has other appointments or things she needs to do.

It would be financially impossible for me to leave my job altogether and stay home. I've thought about trying to negotiate something part-time but I'm not sure if this would be do-able for us financially or for the school... Part of me is tempted to go back to teaching part-time but that's not as stable, since it depends on students each quarter and the contracts are just quarter to quarter, I don't know how many classes I could get and I would probably have to do mornings and evenings, so I don't know when we'd get to be together as a family, which is important to me too.

In the meantime, lots of things are changing around the school and our office. We are a pretty close-knit group of coworkers- all pretty good friends, and now all that is changing... One of my coworkers has already decided to leave, another is a finalist in a job interview and may leave in January- otherwise, she'll definitely leave this fall- all of this while the school is on a hiring freeze and our department is potentially bringing in a program of 50 new students in the fall.

It's hard to know how everything will work out on so many levels but I guess that's where faith and trust come in. I've never felt so much like I didn't have a plan or even that I couldn't really make a plan, but this is probably closer to what the rest of my life will feel like than anything before.

Please pray for Juan Carlos and I as we look at our budget and try to make our best guesses about what we can afford and what we can't, financially and emotionally. Please pray for us to be open minded about sacrifices that we can and should make and for us to be able to work something out for work, childcare and everything else... Any comments or advice are welcome!!